Dear God, holy father in heaven,
it is your child, Maria, speaking to you.
Am I still your child?
Was I ever?
Because you told us how we are supposed to be and made me different. You told me over and over again how I am wrong, but I don't know how I can be the person you want me to be. You must know that I tried with all my might to change, but I couldn't.
I was told that you love me, but I can not believe it, for I am denied entering the gates of heaven and now you have denied me my happiness on earth. How should I not think you are cruel, how can I say I love you when you cause me nothing but pain? If I am honest I barely believe in you any more.
But maybe you are right. Maybe I deserve this pain, because I have committed the sins they accuse me of. And it is true that I stopped fighting my wretched nature, that I even believed I could get comfortable in my sin. I even wrote it down, in a moment of desperation, and now I am sure to loose everything I still have.
Dear father in heaven, I am scared, I am alone, I am cold. I am kneeling on the floor of a cold and dark dungeon, with out a friend in the world. I have lost my love, I have disappointed and hurt my mother and I have proven my self as undeserving of love as you made me.
Still I beg, don't let my sin be my loved ones downfall. Let my punishment be harsh but quiet, so that they can move on quickly. Strike me down now and punish me in the afterlife. If you do, I will for ever be grateful for every pain you cause me. If not, I am afraid, you might loose me after all, because I am tired and hurt and scared and I can not hold on any more. Save me or loose me, it is in your hands.
YOU ARE READING
If There Was Love For Me
RomanceDespite her young age Maria has everything prepared to become a nun, spending the rest of her days reading, writing and praying. Her plans change, however, when a Maid in Waiting is caught stealing, and the princess decides to give her the now free...
