If There Was Love For Me

15 - My...

Slowly Maria started to figure out her new life in the dungeon. Every day servants would bring new furniture, food, clothes and anything she could want, before leaving her alone with her thoughts. She spent a lot of time thinking, about her self, about her mother, about god and about Gwen. At the fifth day she had reached a conclusion. At the eight day she finally accepted her plan. On the tenth day she was calmer than she ever remembered feeling.

It wasn't unusual for her to get visitors in the morning, usually Lillian or Francesca and finally Charlotte, who was postponing her wedding plans to focus on helping Maria. The plan currently was to break her out. She didn't have the heart to tell her that she had already made up her mind. Because of this she wasn't surprised to see a cloaked figure stay behind the servants, but she didn't feel like getting up.

"And there I thought you would be happy to see me."

"Gwen?" Now Maria almost jumped out of her bed and subsequently stumbled, before running to her. She raised her arms for a hug, but a few steps before she reached Gwen she stopped. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I have been resting, but not being with you hurts my heart more than any sickness."

"I..." Maria went again to hug her, but stopped her self.

"What is wrong?"

"Do you know why I am down here? What they accuse me of?"

"Yes. Yes I do. But it doesn't matter, because the others and I have come up with a plan to save you. We are going to break you out, until your innocence is proven. Then you can return in glory and everything will be good again."

"Oh Gwen..." With a sign, Maria sat down on one of the chairs the servants had brought down. "I can't tell you how thankful I am for... for everything you have done and do for me, but I can't run away. You know how hard my mother has worked to get where she is. I can't maker her be the mother of a devious, perverted coward that ran away before she could be punished for her actions."

"Maria! No, Maria, no!" Now it was Gwen who ran to Maria, taking her hands and kneeling down in front of her as if she wasn't a princess and Maria a Lady with out any perspective. "Don't talk like that, don't think like that. You are wonderful and amazing and everything happening to you is unjust."

"I am not. And it isn't. You know how hard my mother had to fight because of me. Gwen, I can't be the reason she looses everything again. So whether I get exiled or executed, I am going to accept my punishment, and I will do it with pride, because it will protect the people I love."

"But... Maria, why? You can't just give up. Isn't there anything that is keeping you here?" Gwen now had tears in her eyes and Maria had to look away, to stop her self from crying too.

"I am sorry, Gwen, but it will be for the better. I always felt I was made wrong for this life so maybe this will all be for the better."

"It won't if you leave me!"

Abruptly Maria rose from her chair to walk away from.

"Gwen, what is this? You have sent servants down here to bring me more stuff than you have in your room and frankly more than I need. You come down here, promising to break me out and beg me not to leave you, but you haven't even asked me if what I am accused of is true."

"Why would I ask that? It doesn't make a difference to me, I will do all I can to help you, no matter what."

"You would ask me, because then I would have an excuse to tell you the answer." This was met with silence from Gwen, who had not followed Maria on her restless walk through the room. "So why don't you ask?"

"Because... if you told me it was true, I couldn't ague for your innocence with a clean conscience. And if it wasn't... if you told me it wasn't true it would break my heart. So..." Gwen had started sobbing by now, but she continued talking as if silence would kill her. "No matter what you answer, it could only hurt me. And don't you see how hurt I am already?"

Maria was crying too, turning around and hurrying back to Gwen, finally taking her in her arms, while she continued talking.

"Because if you asked me the question you want me to ask you, I would have to affirm it as true, for I do love you. And I wish I would have said it earlier, so that we could have had some time together. Or never showed it at all, for maybe I would not have seduced you to develop feelings too. It is all my fault, don't you see?"

"Your fault?" Maria finally asked, crying as much as the princess and being barely able to speak. "How could it be your fault, if I already knew I could not love a man? I was planing to join  a nunnery, to lock my self away from the world before I could cause more trouble, but walked willingly into your court instead. I knew the risk and I decided freely to take it. You had no fault at all, expect for how wonderful you always are."

"But I wanted you to love me. Maria, from the day we sat out in the garden and you told me your story I was in love, and I wanted you to love me too. I tried to get close to you, with out ever thinking about what that would mean for you and me and thus risked us both."

"We both risked it. And it might be wrong in the eyes of god, but I see with human eyes, and all they can see is how much I love everything about you."

"If that is true, dear Maria, if you love me as much as I love you, then let me help you. Let me look for a way to save you and your mothers standing. Because if I have to be apart from you I at least want to know that you are save. Grant me that favor, please."

Finally Maria managed to wipe her tears and smile at the girl that she loved.

"How could I ever say no to you?"