Darling deception- a criminal minds fanfic

Sacred wife

Darling wiped off her red lipstick in the police station mirror after the press conference, adjusting her hair to tuck it behind her shoulders where an oversized grey tweed blazer on top of a silk lacy midi red slip dress, the colour complimenting her red 70's crushed velvet boots.

She had put together the outfit with the stuff she had in her bag and what she found around the station, taking Rossi's blazer from him last minute, to be able to match how the victims were dressed mixed with a blazer and heeled boots to seem 'professional' even though this press conference was merely a ploy to make her a target.

The conference went well in the end, the press bombarding her with overbearing questions at the end like they normally did until she forced herself out of the conference when she was sure her lies and attempted acting would hopefully make the unsub target her or at least contact the station if they were watching.

The next thing she took off after her lipstick was something she never thought she would wear again; a small gold cross necklace.

The team wanted to cover the grounds of all the theories, including Darling's religious element theory; hence the crucifix necklace.

But Darling hadn't worn anything like that in years, feeling like a fraud when she put it back on for this press conference and now feeling the guilt of taking it off that she felt years ago.

"I'm no expert, but I think necklaces are meant to go around the neck" Luke joked as he leaned on the door frame, watching her staring at the necklace in her palm for a while.

Darling rolled her eyes and placed it on the sink, "this is the women's changing room."

"I'm aware, I can surprisingly read signs" he walked and sat on the bench in the middle of the room as he joked, "care to show me what happens in a women's changing room?"

"Not even in your dreams sunshine" she joked back and sat down by him, an irritation to her voice still but not from him being there.

Luke followed her gaze to the necklace on the sink, a familiar understanding of her expression.

"So... you and Sunday school, really?"

Darling couldn't help her laugh as she nodded, "really."

"Me too- do you still go?"

"To Sunday school? I think I'm a little old to be in the girl's choir now" she joked.

"I meant to church" Luke laughed, "are you still religious?"

Darling paused for a moment in that thought.

Her old answer installed into her would have been 'yes of course' without any question, the answer her father made her say, the answer she was afraid of now.

Because she had spent her early 20's once he was gone telling herself 'no, of course not' to that answer.

Because why if there was a god would he allow people to hurt people? 

If there was a god, why would he ignore her when she was hurt?

Her father had told her it was because she wasn't good enough to be heard, not by him, not by god, not by anyone.

And a part of her still believed that in a way.

So the more she thought about the question, "are you religious" the more she realised she might not be, but the guilt and fear of it was still there- and wasn't that the same thing as being religious?

She was still afraid of 'hell,' still afraid of being a bad person, still feeling an immense guilt for her 'sins.'

Darling looked at the cross on the sink and couldn't lie, couldn't wrap up her answer in a simple bow of 'no' or 'yes' because both hurt too much to say.