Guilty Love

27| Healing

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Healing

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Chapter 27: Healing (London's POV)

I stood in front of the mirror while Ronan stood behind me, zipping up my dress while glancing at me in the mirror. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling my hair behind my shoulders. 

I didn't answer and held his gaze in the mirror. "Do you think I'm okay?" I questioned. I don't know what to feel or what I am feeling. I feel sad, guilty, frustrated... angry. At myself for not taking care of Dad. At Dad for not taking care of himself. At the doctors for not being able to save him. "It's not fair," I mumbled, "it shouldn't have been my responsibility. He should have taken care of himself, not me," I spat, grabbing earrings and pulling them on. 

"You don't mean that," he whispered. "You're just upset right now. You know you don't mean that, London." 

"I was such a bad daughter," I sniffled, blinking back new tears. 

"London, you were the best daughter he could have asked for. Especially after your mom..." he trailed off with a sigh, turning me around to face him. "You didn't do anything wrong. You actually did everything right, okay? As best as you could. And Ryan loved you with his whole heart. You are not allowed to blame yourself right now, I'm not going to let you do that. Don't do that, please. You know you deserve better than that. None of this is your fault, you hear me? None of it." He held my face, forcing me to look at him. 

I grabbed his arms while he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. "You're just saying that," I sniffled, trying to pry his hands off but he didn't budge. 

"No," he replied sternly. "I'm not. London," he paused, staring at me, "I love you. I'm here for you." 

"I'm not ready to do this," I mumbled, biting my bottom lip to keep myself from crying anymore. 

"I know. But you'll get through it. I'm here, my family is here for you. Anytime you need us, we're all here for you. We all love you. And I'm in love with you. And I don't care how long it takes, I'm not going anywhere." 

"Promise?" 

He nodded. "I promise." He kissed me softly and kissed my forehead after pulling away. And then we left for the funeral... 

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One month later... 

I woke up on my own, no alarm, nothing. I stretched in bed while reaching over but felt nothing but my sheets. I opened my eyes, realizing he wasn't here. I sat up and grabbed a hair tie, pulling my hair up in a ponytail before climbing out of bed and making my way to the bathroom. I freshened up but couldn't be bothered to change as I went downstairs, barefoot. I could hear him shuffling around in the kitchen. I made my way over silently, going to stand beside him. 

He got a little startled but then looked at me and let out a soft sigh. "Hi," he exhaled. 

"Hi," I mumbled, staring at the pan where eggs sizzled.