Steel My Soul ✓

05 | Mad

I N D I G O

I didn't end up going to Cafe Paci with Adara and her friends that day.

It was a tough week at home, and I knew my mother wanted me to be with her, so I just went straight home. I didn't have any other classes after my free period, anyway. My head was beginning to hurt, and my eyes were starting to get hazy, and I knew that I was getting exhausted from all the unnecessary stress I was putting myself through.

"Why are you taking pain killers?" My mother's voice emerged from opening between the kitchen and the lounge room.

"My head's been hurting," I said, rubbing my temples gently.

"From what?" She approached but I kept my focus on cutting the large circle captures into halves.

I could never gulp down an entire capsule without making it smaller.

"I've been looking at words all day," I kept my response simple and short.

After my father's death, we only ever exchanged few words during the day. I knew she needed me, though. Even if we didn't speak as much as we used to, we had each other's presence, and maybe that was enough for now.

From my peripheral vision, I saw her nod before leaving the kitchen. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest as I saw her back.

She couldn't look at me for long. I always thought it was because she saw too much of my father in me. I had his midnight black hair, and the faint freckles he once adorned on his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. I had my mother's eyes. As grey as thunderclouds. Always holding a storm behind them.

"Lock the door before you sleep," She told me in a quiet voice before going to her room.

That was all she ever did. She never went out, never attempted to stay in the same room as me for long.

"Okay," I replied quietly as she closed the door behind her.

She probably didn't even hear me, but I had to reply. I had to reassure myself I was talking to someone. My mother was becoming a ghost in her own alive skin. It made me fear that I was slowly losing her, too.

A knock at the front door make me flinch as I gulped down the remains of the capsule with water. I winced when the cup hit hard against my sensitive teeth, and a splash of water hit my nose. Sighing deeply, I ran my sleeve over my skin and set the cup down on the counter.

The front door was in the middle of the space that separated the kitchen and lounge room. I waited, glaring at the door to soothe my frustration. Whoever was behind the door was definitely not invited, and being alone without my mother made me feel unsafe.

"Who is it?" I called out when I reached the door handle.

There was a pause filled with hesitance. My hand held onto the door handle, and I was about to pull away when a voice announced a presence.

"Chancey," His voice was a soft murmur.

Every small movement I made had come to a halt, and my blood ran cold. The calm beat of my heart had picked up the second I heard his voice.

He hadn't been here in two years, and now he was showing up unannounced, late at night. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, but I felt like I couldn't move. All the memories I had shared with him when we were friends came rushing back, and suddenly I felt like I was in my backyard with him standing in front of me.

"I wasn't there for you then, so let me be here for you now," He once told me.

"Mrs Maxwell?" His voice sounded closer, and I knew he was almost pressed against the door.