Walking Among Spirits (Levi x Reader) [REWRITE]

[ Chapter 5 ]

Content Warnings:

•Season 3 Spoilers
•Strong Language
•Violence
•Blood
•Death
•Gore

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Flashback

Jitters and anxiety breached your core, a typical routine as of late. Noticing differences within yourself as you grew older and more conscious of your being, the more left out you felt. You could not begin to relate to your peers who had a "normal" life, something you did not have. Although you were curious of the powers you held, you often times wished you did not have them in order to breathe and relax. Living with a secret and hiding yourself away from society made you suffocate, unable to grow as a person during your adolescence. Living behind 50 meter walls was hard enough but also having to live within your own four walls, called your mind, made it worse.

As you became more aware of your life and built stronger memories, you eventually learned to adapt, growing to understand that that was your normal. You did not know any better and your father hoped it would stay that way as it would be easier on you. As much as he wanted to raise you normally, he had forced himself to change his attitude towards things and how you would evolve in the world. There was no way anyone could find out about your secret. Having your brothers know was enough, even if your father didn't necessarily want to tell them anyway but you insisted. Besides Dr. Yeager officially diagnosing you, that was it. No one else was ever allowed to find out. If you got married in the future, not even your spouse could know. You swore to your father after an extremely hard night of dealing with spirits that kept you awake.

That following morning, you begged and pleaded to be consoled by your best friend, Katsumi, the only person who understood you. It hurt that she was not allowed to know your secret after you both had told each other everything else. She was the one person you wanted to see at that moment, after such a draining night. You never liked backing away from arguments, fully committed to standing your ground but that was the one time you had lost. It wasn't until that day when you argued with your father in the workshop that he refused until you cried on your knees. You hated the fact that someone had control over your own being but you had to suck it up and accept it, just like being motherless. Nothing would change it. There was nothing you could do so you had to put on a brave face and be okay with it, even if your fake smile was beginning to show through the surface.

Again, that only made you feel like more of an outcast. Everyone around you had normal lives with normal families, except you. Why did you have to be cursed with negativity? You hardly saw any positives that came out of it. Your family never even tried to say anything reassuring whenever you felt down and out about your situation so you stopped expecting it from them, even though it would have been nice to hear that it would be okay sometimes.

Just like your father had to alter his daily life to take care of you, you had to do the same in order to make others comfortable around you. Even if that meant hiding a big part of yourself in order to protect them and yourself. Anyone who knew ran the risk of getting executed and it would all be your fault. Once you realized it, to live with that fear, you accepted your fate and followed strict orders. The last thing you wanted was the death of your best friend when you only wanted her support for your issues.

Flashback End

Climbing out through a hole beside Jean, Armin and Moblit pull Eren and Mikasa out in front of you. "Here," Moblit reaches his hand towards you after the others are out. Stretching your arms above you, Moblit grabs your hands, pulling you up from the rubble. "Thanks." You grin, looking over your shoulder to spot Armin helping Jean up. Turning back around, a wide trail is paved into the surface of the Earth with a humongous Titan crawling away, responsible for all the destruction. "Geez... check out that flaming roach of a Titan." You mutter, hearing Jean quietly snicker at your remark before becoming serious again.