Typical Secrets

S I X

Do you ever just have a really bad day without knowing what caused it? I seem to have those days a lot. Maybe it was being back home again. I don't know. I'm supposed to enjoy this day, it's Saturday I should be going out with the girls or something like that. I've never tried that before. Going out with them.

Ever since I started writing, I taught myself that the way you could get rid of the bad feelings was to write them down. Write it all down. I took my notebook that was on my nightstand and flipped it open. I found a pencil on my desk and got up to take it. For some reason, I decided to sit on the floor while writing, it seemed right.

I'm sad. I feel like someone let me down even though the only person that has let me down is myself. I feel stressed even though the only person stressing me is myself. I need a break. A break where I don't need to think about what my siblings or friends would think. I just want to be enough for myself. I am selfish but I have to be, nobody else cares for me. I don't need them to. I have myself.

I closed the notebook and put the pencil away, feeling a little bit of pain between my fingers for writing so hard. I stared at the floor before getting up and putting my things back in place. I sat down on my bed again while feeling my heart ache a bit. Just cut everyone off, Alissa. I wish I could. I wish I could. I took my phone and clicked on messenger.

Maybe I should invite her out. But where would we go? I don't know a single thing about going out.

Me : Hey, do you wanna go out?

I looked at the text bubbles and anxiously waited for her to answer. The text bubble disappeared again but came back quickly.

Jasmine : sure. Is Soph coming too?

I laughed at that. Sophia hates it whenever someone calls her Soph.

Me : I don't know, I haven't asked yet.

Jasmine : do you want me to ask for you?

Me : Sure. Thank you.

I turned my phone off and laid down on my back while staring at the ceiling. I need to find something to wear and how to style my hair. My hair is so wavy today, I just woke up with it being like that. I hate when that happens, it's harder to style it when I've brushed through it and it continues to be the way it was before.

I forced myself to get up from the bed and looked through my closet. Benjamin was on his bed while he was scrolling through whatever app he was in. I looked at the mirror that was onto the closet and tried figuring out what I was supposed to do. I took a white shirt and threw it on my bed.

I took a flannel shirt and unbuttoned all the buttons, and then threw it over to the white t-shirt on my bed. I decided that the blue jeans were my go today and then took all of the clothes, opened the door, and left my room to go to the toilet.

I always change my clothes at the toilet, that's the only room where no one else is. I locked the door and quickly got changed into the new clothing that I chose out. I brushed my hair and kept it down, I didn't bother making a ponytail that I would get annoyed at and then ruin it again.

I nodded to myself and left the toilet. I went back to my room and posed in front of my younger brother. "How do I look?" I asked. He looked up from his room and then suddenly laughed. I hit his shoulder while shaking my head and taking my phone up from my bed.

"Where are you going? You never go out." He asked. Thanks for the reminder.

"I don't know yet, well I'm going out with Jasmine and maybe Sophia," I told him. He looked suspiciously at me but nodded anyway.
"You're not meeting with a boy, right? I'll beat his ass and yours too."