Typical Secrets

E I G H T

Tuesday was actually pretty fine. I felt calm with my surroundings. I was in the library with Airpods in my ear while correcting the mistakes Milan and Jasmine made in the essay even though I'm pretty sure that Jasmine did it all for the both of them and as always, Milan just takes credit for it. Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles is playing and it makes me feel better even though I wasn't sad to start with. Sometimes music just has an affection on you which is weird when you think about it. It just makes you feel completely different, like the lyrics played a trick on your mind.

I could tell that Jasmine had put everything she could into this but to think we have another essay to do is just stressing. It's a few hours since school ended so I wasn't allowed into the school library, so I just went into the biggest one we have in our town. It was nice to think that this was the only place people would be the slightest respectful. That sounds like I'm judging and my mind is probably right but sometimes you have to judge a book by its cover. I know it sounds bad but trust me, it isn't that bad when you think about it for a while.

My example would be people like Mrs. Eastwood, everyone went around and said that she was the most strict teacher in our school's history but I chose not to judge because the most strict teachers are usually the one that teaches the most. Not always, I had this bad math teacher that hated me and now I blame her for my dyscalculia. I like putting the blame on everyone else but me. I honestly just hate making mistakes or screw-ups. I believe that perfect exists somewhere even though everyone says 'nobody is perfect' but how do you know that's true? Exactly, you don't.

You can be perfect if you want, it's just a lot to fight for. I've fought for it for as long as I remember and sometimes I believe that I actually did succeed in doing so. Only when I'm lucky though, which doesn't happen that often for me, unfortunately. I shake my leg either when I'm stressed or anxious, sometimes both. Right now I feel stressed by myself, at least it's not the anxiety making me do this. My eyes snapped up to the door when multiple boys stepped in, making so much noise. You have to be kidding me, why do I run into them everywhere?

I put it up on my Instagram story earlier and I forgot everything about doing that. Who follows me on Insta? Ryder does. Who just stepped into the library with his annoying friends? Ryder. Why did he come here when he knows that I'm here as well. I'm definitely not perfect or lucky right now. When my gaze met Ryder's, I quickly looked back down at my laptop and turned up so I could push their noises out of my headspace. It seemed to work and I was praying that they would somehow get kicked out of here so I could go back to feeling comfortable.

I read the essay through one more time and assured that I hadn't missed anything but of course I had. Some typos, missing commas and periods, the usual mistakes. My airpod got pulled out as I had realized that someone behind me had pulled it out. I didn't even want to guess or turn around to find out who it was, I had the feeling that I already knew. Shitty but true instincts.

"Hamlet is a tragic story with drama, revenge, madness and of course, death." A deep voice read out the text that was showing on my laptop's screen. I didn't know if I should find this embarrassing or just ignore that this is actually happening.

The music had stopped playing in my right Airpod because of the other one getting pulled out. Suddenly the music started playing again and that could only mean one thing, Ryder had my other Airpod in his ear, god. He sat down on the chair beside me and tilted his head while waiting for me to continue writing. I looked around to see where his friends had gone, but they were at the kids section and that was pretty far away from where I was sitting right now.

"Why are you here, Ryder?" I asked and looked at him while waiting for a good answer. He took the laptop out of my hands and started writing something down on it, then giving it back to me. I frowned when I read the words out in my mind. This boy is out of control and needs some serious help. First he stalked my social medias and now he's actually stalking me, in real life.

If you want to talk, turn the music off.

I rolled my eyes and deleted it once again but when I was done with that I took my phone in my hands and stopped the music from playing.
Being done with that, I took the AirPod out of his ear and placed it on the table.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked and placed my elbows on the table, holding my cheeks with my hands. He smiled and nodded, crossing his arms while keeping the eye contact going. Is it warm in here or is it just me? I refuse to look away, then he'll start thinking that his eyes affect me which they don't. Not even close, so I kept trying to fight through it.

"Can you tutor me? Mrs. Eastwood said that you're the best at it." Ryder asked. She said that? Wow, does that mean that she likes me now? Wait, how does she know? I've never tutored anyone before so why would she recommend me? She wouldn't.

"No. Find someone else." I answered and started tapping on the keyboard to my laptop. Ryder closed the laptop and held my hand for some reason. "Please. I only want you to do it." He begged and pouted. He is so desperate.

"Do I get paid?" I asked and sat back, expecting a no from him. I was actually hoping that he would say no, I don't want him on my back all the time. And also, he just straight up lied to my face about the tutoring. He's not worth it.

"We can discuss that if you say yes." Jesus Christ. I want money, of course I do. But not his. On the other side I know he won't stop bothering me until I say yes and agree with his payment. "Twenty dollars each hour." I said with a raised eyebrow. I wanted to make him say no so I don't have to.

"Five." He suggested, I shook my head.

"Twenty." I stood on my ground with the specific dollars in my thoughts. Apparently he didn't like the idea of paying me twenty dollars even though I know he has more than twenty dollars. Maybe it was the hours he cared about? I really don't care about it anyway.

"Ten."

"Fine." I agreed and got up while getting my stuff. I didn't even want to be here anymore, Ryder ruined the vibe between me and the library. I put my laptop down my bag and put my AirPods back in the case, taking everything that belonged to me and left the library.

I'm hungry. I wonder what's for dinner.

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