It takes two to create a whole | Soukoku Au |

Embarrassing

Note:

So... things are going to start getting heavy. This is where the tags (on the A03 version) start being important to pay attention to. I know I haven't gone too deep into Chuuya's past before college life (yet). However, that is going to come up as well as some Childhood Dazai flashbacks right before the tags get important. It will probably happen within two or three chapters so please watch the notes above each chapter. This chapter mentions a past abusive relationship. I bless y'all with some more in detail semi-nsfw at the very end... Still not smut though I am changing this to mature.

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February flew in, the last moments of winter were going to be here sooner than later. It felt like only yesterday winter's holiday break had ended. February vacation, another week of freedom from classes. Right before finals would start, this break would act as a time to reflect and have fun. Though, many were already starting to act as if the break was here. This included Dazai who'd roped Chuuya in. Underneath the clear sky, snow a few inches thick surrounding the sidewalk, Dazai walked beside Chuuya. They hadn't talked about that night since the morning after the event. Dazai hadn't opened up on his feelings. Though, Chuuya was noticing the differences in Dazai. He was timider and timider when the two aren't out having fun, or... being intimate. Some days Dazai skipped class and laid in bed. Those days, Chuuya forced food into his mouth. He was constantly checking in on Dazai for any sight of red on the bandages. He wasn't stupid, but he acted as if he didn't know. He was afraid of being pushed away if Dazai knew that he'd already figured out he was in pain. Dazai did well to hide his depressed state, the smile to anybody who didn't know him was genuinely convincing. The way he joked had slowly changed. He joked about suicide before, but it was different. The jokes now we're terrifying. Chuuya's mind screamed to find help for Dazai, but again, he feared upsetting Dazai. If Dazai got bored, if he left, if he stopped wanting whatever this was... he feared it.

Chuuya had long since given into realizing what was wrong with his thoughts. His early relationship had imprinted itself onto him. His sense of loyalty, everything he'd been taught by his dad, combined with the twisted words the silver-haired boy had whispered to him in high school. He hardly remembered those days. He didn't remember the yelling or the tears. He hardly remembered being held in his father's arms as he screamed how unfair the situation was, boy wasn't being held accountable. He hardly remembered the sight of the boy underneath him, bloodied and unconscious. He didn't remember the hospital visit for his broken bones. It was all a blur his mind put up to forget and protect him. If he remembered it meant it happened. If he admitted to it, it meant coming to terms that he wasn't fine. Dazai pulled Chuuya down onto a stool, aware neither of them seemed mentally present.

Ordering drinks, Dazai begins an idle conversation. They bickered playfully, as they usually did. At some point in the night, Dazai stood up telling Chuuya he would be right back, he just had to use the restroom. Chuuya had rolled his eyes, slightly drunk. He'd replied that he would be outside. Both of them were aware there was an unsightly pair here tonight. The silver-haired boy and the pink-haired female. The two had been making out when they got here, but had since disappeared.

Chuuya leaned against the wall, staring at the sky. Clouds had begun to cover the setting sun. They were gray, heavy in the sky. It was cold enough for more snow, not something Chuuya wanted to deal with. He probably shouldn't be outside, but it was getting suffocating inside. He was wearing layers and didn't feel cold. It wasn't likely he'd get sick from standing out here. If he started to notice he was cold, he'd go back inside. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't taken notice of footsteps until they were close to him. "Dazai-" he cut himself off when he spun around and noticed it wasn't Dazai. Can't he have one good day out? "What do you want?" Chuuya narrowed his eyes watching Shirase raise his hands.