PECULIAR (✓)

26. Therapy Sessions

Today was the first therapy session with Dr. Suzanne Jones, a co-worker that Liz's mum recommended me to. To say I was scared was an understatement.

I wanted today to go well but I'm confused about what that actually means. Do I do my normal routine of putting up a front trying to get out of more sessions because I'm fine or do I show how broken I truly am?

My foot taps nervously in the waiting room, as I wait for the therapist to call me in. Shivering at how cold it is I play with the sleeve of Cassius blue hoodie, he lets me borrow. The material still smelled like him making my thoughts slow down and breathing to calm down. I really wish I took his offer on joining me to this session, regretting my pride for refusing his comfort.

"Miss Reddy, Dr Jones is ready to see you in Room Number Five," a small petite nurse kindly tells me as if she can tell I'm contemplating on running far away from this clinic.

I nod and go to the room, unsure of what's to come. I knock on the door, and hear the calming voice of a woman telling me to come in. I open the heavy door hesitantly, and let my eyes wander around the stark white walls and the brightness of the gardens surrounding the clinic. My eyes drift to the middle aged woman in a chair with a clipboard on her lap... Ready to assess me, I guess.

She looks at me and I can't help but notice how she juxtaposes the dullness of the room. Her blonde dyed curly hair shining against the silk orange bandanna wrapped on top of her head. Her dark golden skin covered in a neon pink sweater and her pink lips curving into a warm smile as she sees me standing awkwardly in the doorway. Dr Jones gestures to the seat opposite her, never losing her warm and relaxed aura.

I sit down slowly, wanting everything to be over already, but her soothing voice breaks me out of my hesitation as she greets me warmly.

"Hi Alettra, nice to meet you, I'm Dr Jones," I nodded in response.

"So, anything in particular you want to talk about with me, darling?" I shake my head and look down while still playing with my hoodie... His hoodie.

"That's a nice hoodie, you get it because you like blue."

Unwillingly, I smile and shake my head. "It's my boyfriend's hoodie." My acknowledgement of the owner of the hoodie makes Dr Jones raise her eyebrows.

"Must be a special guy if he's got you smiling like that. Does he know that you're here today"

I replied, "Yes, he actually was the one who helped me to take this step." Dr Jones nods and writes something down. I frown, my eyes meeting comically, as Dr Jones looks back at me still with a polite smile. She sets the clipboard down and fills up a cup of tea for herself.

She looks at me and asks, "Should I even ask if you want a cuppa, darling?"

I let out a small grimace, unsure whether to agree or laugh. I just wanted to leave.

"Before I carry on with this session, I need to establish something first, darling this is for you right, not just to appease your boyfriend right?"

I nod and quickly tell her, "I want to get better, I'm just to tired of being... Tired, I guess."

Dr Jones smiles at me and asks how long have I been 'tired.'

"Forever, in all honesty, until recently everything has felt pointless. Even when I was a child, I hated myself, but also everything. I was described as a sad child, lacking a lot of things."

"How did your parents react to that?"

The question about my parents sends a shock wave through my spine. God, why did we have to talk about them.

I try to talk my way around them, saying they had more important things to worry about to focus on me, but Dr Jones doesn't drop it, and just keeps chipping away at my wall. I try to compose myself but her final blow sends a blow to my built wall with her final statement.

"Everything will be fine, darling." Tears sting my eyes, leaking out without my permission. Dr Jones gets up and hugs me, whispering soft words of encouragement and comfort into my ear. Overwhelmed with everything, I start sobbing into my therapist.

Well, I didn't expect it to go like this.

After a while, I calm down and look at Dr Jones apologising for my breakdown. "No apologising darling, I'm here to help you."

We converse back and forth, making allusions to my eating disorder but never directly talking about it, which I was extremely thankful for. We hover around the topic of my childhood the most.

How my mother's lack of maternal and nurturing instincts has lead to my lacking of those qualities stuck with me the most. Both my mother and I refuse to admit how similar we actually are. I'm the only one of my sister's who looks like her, but also acts like her. When Dr Jones helped me make that connection it confused me. Was there a reason as to why she treated me like that my whole life.

Were we truly that similar?

I walk out of the clinic feeling lighter, the sun hitting me as I glide down the steps smiling softly. I look up to see the stunning man I specifically asked not to come.

Cassius leaning against his car while looking down at the ground with his arms crossed. His pensive look on his face made me laugh. Cassius Ardent, forever the worrier.

I can see a group of girls in the distance looking at him in appreciation at his large build and undeniable handsome looks, but Cassius doesn't even notice.

I ran up to him too excited to just hold him, tell him about Dr Jones and the session. My quick and loud footsteps make his head shoot up and smile at me. His arms got ready to hug me but before I could stop myself and jump into his arms, making us both laugh. Cassius holds me and gently pushes my hair away from my face.

Everything in this moment feels perfect, the serene atmosphere wrapping around us like a blanket as we stare at each other in our own world. I lean down and kiss his lips fervently, tightening my legs around his waist. Suddenly realising our predicament, I jump off Cassius ducking my head and grin madly.

What on Earth got a hold of me?

Cassius leans down tilting my chin up and presses a sweet kiss on my forehead. "Hi baby, that was a nice welcome."

His whisper makes me shiver involuntarily and I bite back a smile. He peers into my shy eyes, frowning slightly, his ocean blue eyes reflecting worry. "Your eyes are red baby, are you okay?" I shake my head and replied truthfully, "It were tears that needed to come out Sweetheart, I'm okay now, I promise." We smile at each other again and head to his car hand in hand.

We head back to Cass' house, and we see Liz and Andreas waiting for us in the living room. Liz rushes up to me and hugs me tight asking if I had a good session. She is so sweet and caring.

Liz and Andreas hold hands and announce they have something to tell Cassius and I. Frowning, both Cassius and I wait for them in suspense.

"I'm not going back to Greece, the museum is going to send someone else,so I'm staying with Liz." I nod still confused.

Liz, with a huge smile, shouts suddenly "We are gonna have a baby." Wide-eyed I stare at the grinning couple and run and hug both of them congratulating them both, still in shock.

Cassius joins the hugging feast and I can't help but notice how happy Liz and Andreas look. Parenthood suits both of them well.

Andreas nudges me, "So, you remember agreeing to being my kid's godparent with Cassie." I open my mouth speechless, while Liz laughs at my attempt to backtrack. "Doesn't matter you and Cassie will get married anyway and you'll be their aunt anyway." Cassius starts coughing at her nonchalant tone and starts blushing furiously.

What was supposed to be the worst day ever, has suddenly become the best. I couldn't be happier.