PECULIAR (✓)

43. Lighthouse

My body feels like it's been ripped apart, maybe because it had been. I look around to see my mother asleep in the chair next to me.

Wait a minute. Oh, this is a nightmare right?

My mother is holding my hand through, her small hand as cold as mine. Like mother, like daughter.

Daughter.

Clara.

I sit up fast, startling my mother. "Clara. Where's Clara?" My mother quickly moves to hold me down by the shoulders telling Cass has got her and that they would be back soon. I stare at the IV drops confused.

What happened to me?

I look at her confused as she stares at me softly before speaking, "You neglected to tell me about you being pregnant, Alettra." I look down in guilt, not shame. Guilt for not telling her, not shame, never shame for having Clara.

The doctor comes in momentarily saving me from this awkward discussion with my mother. He checks me over making sure I'm alright before he tells me I was in a coma for almost two days.

I only just became a mother and I'm already messing up. As if my mother can sense my sadness she tilts my head up, looking into my eyes.

"Cassius has been bringing her in here talking to you this whole time. You only managed to wake the one moment I convinced him to pop out for a stroll. You really do have the worst timing Alettra."

I smirk slightly while playing with the blanket. "Clara reminds me a lot of you, Alettra." I look at her hoping for her to carry on. "She's very quiet, gentle even. No matter what she gives you a sense of peace. She did that for Cassius and I while you were in a coma. She's a peculiar child, like you."

I clench my fists, angered at what my mother described her as, but before I could berate her for it she continues. "That's what makes both of you so unique and special. You're both old souls. Even when you were a child I sought you to keep me grounded and level headed, because that's who you were yourself. You did it well also. My lighthouse."

I stare at my mother in shock. Who was this woman?

At that moment Cass comes in, with our daughter in his hands. When he sees me awake, he looks down at Clara smiling, "Would you like mum to hold you baby girl hm?" I smile at the scene of father and daughter.

He places Clara in my arms before pressing a long tender kiss upon my head. I look at Clara, my cold fingers shakingly skimming her light brown full cheeks, that are slightly flushed. She starts whimpering slightly, making me pull back slowly.

Cass rubs my arm in comfort while I stare at my beautiful daughter. My arms shook, she weighed a feather, yet here I was struggling to do something basic. I just wanted to hold her.

"Alettra why don't you pass her back to Cassius, you've only just woke up. You need to rest." I nod, pitying myself as Cassius takes her back with a frown etched on his face. I watch as Clara relaxes in his strong secure arms.

"I want to go home," Cass looks at me ready to say no. My mother, on the other hand, tilts my head again and gazes into my eyes. I always thought my mother had special powers, her ability to know if I was lying when I was a kid, but I just got better at lying. "Okay, I'll check with the doctor, then we can get you discharged."

I'm definitely in an alternative universe, my mother is actually helping me. As she leaves, Cass is placing Clara in the cot beside me, indicating to me she's asleep. He walks up to me and holds me close, while gently stroking my hair.

"You really scared me there for a moment baby." I look at him and nuzzle my face into his torso. He feels so warm, I can't help it.

I swing my legs to the side of the bed and Cass steadies me as I attempt to stand up. I think Cass has worked out resting is something I'm incapable of, so he doesn't stop me. As soon as I stand, the shakiness comes back and I sit back on the bed. I sigh, and do it again slower, still feeling Cass holding me up. I hobble over to the cot, and see a peaceful sleeping Angel.

I look at Cass who's still looking at my legs that are slightly buckling. "You should sit, Alettra. Please." I nod, agreeing that my energy is depleting quickly. I want to go home. I still hate everything to do with hospitals.

A nurse comes in with a tray of food. Oh God. I already feel sick. I look down and see my stomach still slightly swollen. I look at the food and glare at it.

Maybe if I was in a coma for a bit longer I could have lost a few more pounds.

The toxic thought hits me like a truck, highlighting the lack of balance in my thinking.

I'm not better. I may never be better. I just wished I was still in a coma. Why would I want that, when my beautiful girl is here? I shake the thoughts out of my head and start to eat, banishing those thoughts that once controlled me.

I want to have enough energy and strength to hold my baby. To play with her and keep her safe. To do that I need to eat.

As long as I don't give up I haven't lost. I keep repeating that mantra until I'm full, unable to stomach anymore.

"I told you." Cass randomly announces, making me look at him confused. "She looks exactly like you. I'm going to have to go to the gym more now since she's going to have everyone running after her."

I smile slightly, my lips aching and splitting due to how dry they were. I ask Cass for some lip balm and he fishes it out of my bag. He takes the cherry flavoured balm and gestures to me to lean forward. I do so, and he starts applying it on my lips delicately and carefully. He scolds me to stop laughing as I was messing him up, but his focus on my lips makes me squirm.

Once he's done he leans down and presses a long kiss on my lips. I look at him in shock while he shrugs. "I needed some too." I giggle quietly and move to hug him.

Even though I was still struggling I knew everything was going to work out. I was going to make sure of it.

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