Scars and Bruises

Broken Hearts. Again

ALEX.

She felt long forgotten smell of Sirius in her nostrils, his gentle caresses on her body, his pleasant voice in her ear, which repeated again and again that everything will be fine, that everything has ended, nobody could do her any harm. Alex felt like she had returned in time and she was back in Hogwarts when everything was a little less complicated.

But she was here in Sirius's embrace, in the Order of the Phoenix headquarters, and Alex felt how everybody was looking at her. She felt too tired to talk or to continue to explain, she knew that there was still a lot of unanswered questions, but she just did not wanted to talk anymore. Not tonight. She just wanted to sleep for a couple of days.

Suddenly she jerked her head off Sirius's chest and realized what she was doing; she looked at Sirius and shook her head like trying to say that she does not understand what was happening. Her eyes traveled from one person in the room to another, until finally she looked at Noah who sat by the door, his head was in his hands, he looked devastated. Noah...

She wanted to cry again, but she suppressed that feeling, she looked back at Sirius, who still held her pressed against his body. Alex didn't knew what to do, his grey eyes were so familiar, but after everything that had happened last summer Alex didn't believed that Sirius can forgive her, or ever will.

Alex got out of his embrace and looked at everybody once again, she took her coat and scarf, "I know that you have a lot more questions, but I am so tired," she sighed, "I will answer and explain, I promise, but some other time." And she went for the doors.

They exchanged looks between themselves, tried to say something, to stop Alex, but she was already by the door, her hand on the knob, but then she felt how Noah touched her hand. She looked at him, guilt and sadness were written all over his face, but all that Alex felt right now was tears streaming over her cheeks for a countless time this evening.

She left the living room and rushed down the stairs, she put on her coat and scarf in a hurry. When she was outside, Alex realized that this October evening had surprised her once again. It was snowing outside, first snow of the year.

She walked on to the street and stopped, she looked around, and everything was so white and clean, and calm. The whole world seemed like in a bubble of peace as if snow could mask all the problems of the world. It was like a slap in the face because everything Alex saw was complete opposite of what was going on inside her.

She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate, apparating after full moon always was much harder than usual. But she heard people coming out of the house, she turned around. Everybody was standing in front of the headquarters. Sirius took a step forward and with a pleading voice said, "Alex..."

She looked into Sirius's eyes once again, and then looked at Noah who stood behind everyone, and shook her head, "Please not now." And she apparated away.

Alex realized that she had apparated to the town and not her home. She sighed and started slowly to walk home. Even here snow had covered all the ground making it beautiful and peaceful. It was late and nobody was outside. Alex let her tears fell down her cheeks; she could not remember when the last time she had cried that much was. But she had no more strength to control her emotions anymore.

Her hair was wet from snow, and her coat was soaking wet, but she did not hurry to get home. Somehow, coldness felt so familiar and necessary. It took much longer for her to get home than usual, but it did not mattered anymore.

She opened the gates and saw Noah standing by her front door. She stopped; Alex hoped that nobody would bother her this evening. She walked to the front door without looking in his eyes.