Lonely Hearts

Chapter seventeen: Lincoln

I sat reading Emma's thoughts. Allowing the words to tear me apart. 

"Promise you won't leave?" 

"Never." Adam promised. "I'm always going to have your back." 

I believed him. I always believed him. 

He smiled and I felt all my worries disappear. He reached his hand out and I let mine lock into his. A promise not to let go. I thought I could trust him. 

I brushed away the thorns of guilt that twisted around my heart as I read. I had let them down time and time again. At least, she thought I had, and that was all that mattered. All this time I thought I had been doing them a favour. I thought I had been letting them have a happy childhood. But maybe all those times Emma yelled and caused trouble in the homes, she was really just screaming my name hoping I would hear her. 

She had trusted me to keep me safe. But I hadn't realised that her idea of a safe place was with me. I hadn't realised that they needed me just as much as I needed them. I thought they were better off without this. Without me. 

I wanted to storm back to the Home and threaten to set the place on fire until they gave me their address. If they thought I was crazy then I would act crazy. Crazy people were listened to. They made an impact. I wanted to scream and holler until I got what I needed. 

Maybe I was going about this the wrong way. Since looking for my sister online didn't work, I needed to look elsewhere. 

I tried to remember the names of the couple who had taken my sisters. A French couple. Beaufort? Bonnet? Beaumont. That was it, right? Beaumont. Now, first names. Erica and Richard? No. That was the couple who ended up sending them back because Emma was too disobedient. Madeline and Fran? No, they decided they couldn't handle two of them. It definitely wasn't the gay couple, I remember talking to a man. What the hell was his name? 

I pulled out the letters I had packed up to take with me, trying to remember what colour pen she used to write the last one. I skimmed through them all, trying to figure it out from the dozens of names she had written down over the years. 

Louis. That was it. Louis and Amelié Beaumont. Perfect. 

I googled Louis Beaumont, trying to find the right one on Facebook. Maybe he would have pictures of them. Maybe I would find Emma on his friends list. Did kids follow their parents on Facebook? I scrolled through the millions of Louis Beaumonts, my hope sinking with each new page. This was hopeless. There were too many people in this world to locate one specific man.

I screamed in frustration and Skye popped her head around the door, giving me a concerned look. 

"Are you alright?" She asked. 

"What if we don't find them?" I whispered. "What if they're always going to be just out of reach?" 

"Hey." She said, entering the room and lifting my head so I was looking into her eyes. "We'll find them." She whispered. 

"How do you know that?" 

"Because I'm not going to give up until we do." She said. 

I shook my head. "There's too many cities, too many people. Too many places they could go." 

"We'll find them." 

"What if we don't?" 

"Then we'll find a way to fix your broken heart." She said. 

"What if it can't be fixed?" 

She smiled, softly. "That's what hope is for." 

"And if I don't have any hope?" 

"Then I'll give it to you." She promised. 

I looked into her eyes and allowed myself to believe her. Even though I knew she couldn't really fix anything, I wanted to believe her. I needed to believe her. 

I wouldn't make it through this without it. 

"Will you two lovebirds stop making moon eyes at each other? You're putting me off my breakfast." Elliott grumbled from the other side of the room.

Skye rolled her eyes and I went back to searching. I wasn't going to give up. I was never going to give up.

Don't give up on me, girls. I'm coming.

I was. I was going to find them. Even if it took me the rest of my life. I had promises to keep. Skye reached out and squeezed my hand, smiling. I smiled back at her.

We could do this. We would do this. But what did we do afterwards?

I paused.

It dawned on me that I hadn't thought this through enough. What was I going to do? Show up and break their hearts again instantly?

I clenched my fists, forgetting Skye was holding my hand.

"Ow." She yelped.

"Sorry." I said, letting her go instantly.

"You have a mean snatch. You know that?" She said, rubbing her hand gently.

"Sorry, Hun." I replied, taking her hand again and massaging it gently.

"If he hurts you, I'll kick his arse." Elliott yelled from the table.

"Leave him alone, babe. You know you can't hurt a fly." She replied.

"For you I would make an exception." He argued.

"I'll bear that in mind." She laughed, throwing me a wink.

I smiled and kissed her hand.

"All better." I whispered.

She chuckled and the sound of her laughter made me smile wider.

"Promise me you won't leave my side?" I asked, softly.

"Promise." She whispered.

"Even if I try and push you away?"

"Especially then." She promised. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

I smiled and reached a hand to stroke a strand of hair from her face. Maybe we could do this. We would find them together. And everything would finally be ok.

Maybe the tears in my heart would finally heal.

I sat and watched her. She seemed so confident. So assured. But one thing I had learnt was that everyone at the Home had a story. A story that was often plagued with pain and fear. A story we learnt to hide out of shame and guilt.

Maybe I could show her that her story was beautiful. That the cracks in the path that led her to this place right now weren't the imperfections she thought them to be.

Maybe we could help each other write a new chapter in our lives and finally move on from the torn pages of the past.

But if I was trying to write a new chapter, why was I running back to the first page?

Maybe I needed them to be with me in this new chapter. Or maybe I just needed their permission to move on.