Lonely Hearts

Chapter twenty-five: Lincoln

I used to dream about being adopted. Of finding that home that would finally accept me for who I was. Finding a home where I finally felt like I belonged. Someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone who believed in me. Someone to scare the monsters away when it was dark in my room. Someone to calm me down when I had a nightmare. Someone who loved me the way Mummy did, all those years ago. 

Every foster kid has that dream. But as we get older, the dream diminishes. No one wants damaged goods. They want the little ones. The babies. The ones who were clean and pure and unscarred by pasts. 

Me? I gave up on that dream years ago. But that didn't stop me hoping my sisters would find someone to love them. That's the real reason I sent them away. I wasn't going to give up until I found them a home where they were loved. Where they had a proper future. I had never given up that dream for them. 

But somehow...against all odds, I had formed a family. I had a family within the walls of the Home. The foster kids were almost like my brothers and sisters. I felt a pang in my heart as I thought of the familiar faces I had left behind. 

Maybe that was why I felt so empty now. Far from everything I had known and separated from the only life I could remember, I felt more lost than I had ever felt within the Home. All I could do was hope that it would be worth it. 

I could only hope that I found them, and it was everything I had hoped for. I wasn't sure I could handle it being less. I had had too many heartbreaks already. 

Foster kids...we knew what a broken heart felt like. We spent countless years stitching up the wounds from every failed home. Every unfinished story. The only thing we could do was surround ourselves with other broken people and hold each other together. Piece by piece, we slowly begun to heal our wounds and stick our hearts back together, only to have another disappointment remind us that it wasn't worth it. 

Each broken home was another scar. Another unhappy ending. And yet we kept searching, hoping one day we would find that family we could call our own. 

Except, I had a family. They may be a thousand miles away, I may not have seen them in four years, but that didn't mean I didn't have a family. Families came in all shapes and sizes. Mine may be missing, but they were still there. 

I thought about the family I could have had. One where Mummy made us dinner every night and asked us how our day went. Where Dad complained about going to work as he gave Mummy a kiss. Where I helped Emma and Max with their homework in the evening before Mummy told me to finish my own work and I complained. 

There's no point in wasting your time on broken dreams, Lincoln. I reminded myself. 

It was time to start thinking about the future. Whatever that may hold. 

~*~

I blinked at the message in my hand disbelievingly.

An address.

A promise.

An I love you.

The phone fell from my hands and Skye blinked awake.

"Good morning, my love." She whispered, softly.

"Good morning." I said, wrapping an arm around her as she snuggled into me.

"I found them." I said, after a minute, testing the words out for the first time.

Her head snapped up in surprise.

"Really?"

I nodded.

"She gave me an address."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

I nodded.

"If I don't go, I'll never know." I said.

She paused.

"What will happen next?" She asked.

"I don't know. But I have to see them."

"Do they want to see you?"

I paused, thinking about the address. About Emma's message please don't hurt us again.

"I think so." I replied.

"So what are we waiting for?" She asked, slipping out of my hold. "Are you showering first or am I?"

"You can go." I said. "I need a moment."

She smiled, nodded and slipped into the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I won't let you down, Emma.

~*~

Once we were both showered, Skye took my hand and we walked out of the hotel room side by side as I plugged the address into the GPS.

"We'll need to get the train." I told her.

We waited on the sidewalk until we managed to hail a taxi. I squeezed her hand. It shook me that our journey was almost over. Soon we would reach them and then...who knows what would happen next.

You know what will happen next, Lincoln. You'll be carted back to the children's home. I ignored the little voice that told me this wasn't going to work. It would work. Even if it was only for a couple of hours. I would make Louis understand what I had gone through to get there. And that I wasn't going to leave them again even if he forced me.

Skye rested her head on my shoulder as she looked out at the window as rain started to trickle down.

No matter what happened next, I had her. With her, everything would be ok.

~*~

We settled on the train and I rested my head against the window watching the world go by. Skye curled up next to me, and I wrapped an arm around her pulling her close.

I would miss this. I didn't know exactly what lay ahead, but I did know I would miss this. Just the two of us, with a world of new possibilities stretched before us.

I looked down at Skye as she closed her eyes and went to sleep, knowing I would keep her safe until we got there. A feeling my sisters used to have before they took us into the home.

My sisters.

In a couple of hours I would see them again.

That thought frightened me. I know, it seems ridiculous. I had spent years trying to get back to them. Months trying to find them. But now that they were so close, less than a day away at most, it suddenly seemed very frightening.

What if I messed it up? I was so good at messing things up, what if I did something wrong?

What if they didn't even give me a chance? They would be right to do so. I had broken so many promises. I had broken their hearts so many times.

But what if they did? What if they decided to believe me when I said it would be ok?

What if I decided to believe myself?

This will be ok, Lincoln. You'll figure it all out.

I had come this far, I wasn't giving up now.