I step onto the balcony, a protein shake in my hand that Birdie made me after we showered. Julia should be here anytime but I'm trying not to think about it. Instead I pull up the picture of Navy I took, staring at the big dog.
Birdie and I are going to go back to see her after my meeting with the lawyers. Not that I want to go to that meeting but I want to see Navy again. I want Birdie to meet her too.
I take a drink of my protein shake, hearing Birdie's voice seep through the townhouse and finding me outside.
Julia must be here.
Looking out at the balcony, I stretch my hand down searching for Blue out of habit before I head into the house. He loved to sit out here with me while I drank my post workout protein shakes.
Julia and Birdie are hugging when I reach the living room and I lean against the wall looking for something steady. I'm not ready to talk about Drew and the charity event that centers around suicide prevention. It's important, I know that. But I hate listening to Julia retell the last few months of Drew's life over and over, year after year. He was so much more than his suicide.
Birdie passes by me as she heads to the kitchen as Julia says "Hey Holt".
I've thought too long about Drew and the charity, his funeral, and I feel the tight grip of anxiety creep through me as I scan the room.
"Hey." I manage to mumble.
Julia sits down, her purse clunking to the floor with a loud thunk that brings my wandering thoughts back to attention.
She gestures at Birdie's open laptop, "New dog?".
I hear Birdie coming down the hall from the kitchen, beers in hand and even though I know it's her, it still knocks me off guard when her hand lands on my shoulder. My head snaps to the side, my heart thudding in my chest but as my eyes meet hers all I see is this woman I love. This woman that is safe.
"Let's sit." She says gently and at the sound of her voice a breath rushes from me.
She hands Julia a beer as I sit beside her on one couch, letting her head the conversation. "Trying, we're going to go see her this week."
"Nice, she looks sweet."
There's something different about Julia. Nothing physical, she still looks like she usually does with her blond hair cut short and natural, her blue eyes a constant reminder of Drew. She still wears a pair of Doc Martens with absolutely everything, a large cardigan over a tshirt on even though it's warm out and a pair of denim shorts.
It's something else.
"Kendra's been searching every place imaginable but we think this last place might have been it." Birdie says.
"Well I hope it works out." Julia smiles, her beer clutched in her hand.
"Yeah us too." I stare at the screen, the picture of Navy on it.
It's the one from their website. Navy looks sad and scared in the picture and it makes me want to drive there and take her regardless of what anyone says.
Julia clears her throat and I feel Birdie shift beside me but I keep my gaze on Navy's picture.
"So I actually have something to tell you guys." She takes a deep breath, one that I think is meant to steady her but all it does is throw every alarm in my head on. "It's about Drew."
I suck in a breath, reaching for Birdie's hand because I'm not sure I can hear whatever is coming next. What could there possibly be? How can it get any worse than it is? Drew's gone and he's been gone. What has changed?
"What about him?" Birdie asks, far more confident than I am.
Julia doesn't answer right away opting for a drink of her beer instead and I tighten my fingers around Birdie's hand. I want to get up and leave, go for another run, anything other than sit here on the couch as I wait for Julia to tell us whatever news she has.
"Drew has a son."
The words don't compute in my mind. How could he possibly have a son. Drew. When? How? With who?
Questions flood my thoughts until I stammer out "he what?".
But Julia doesn't seemed phased as I stare at her in disbelief. "His name is Jack, he's 18. He showed up at my office a couple of days ago."
There's no possible way. I look at Birdie, her hand limp in my mine as she stares at the wall.
"How?" H-he would've been like 17 or something." Julia shakes her head as I ask but my focus is on Birdie, trying to manage my own thoughts but also hers.
She hasn't said anything but I can see the flood of tears that pool in her eyes, the grief that's etched into her face. I can only imagine all the memories that are filling her thoughts.
She takes a shallow breath, turning to Julia. "Drew never knew about him?".
Julia's lips press together, her clear blue eyes pained as she shakes her no.
