My dad and I drove the city streets relentlessly. The sun creeping up over the horizon, casting all the shadows in golden haze as it pushed away the night. We had no luck and in the early hours of the morning my dad dropped me and Navy back off against my protest.
He's right though. Driving the streets aimlessly is unproductive. Raf could be anywhere.
I took a shower, unable to sleep, pacing the floor as I tried to keep my mind clear until Birdie and I left to meet everyone. Today of all days was not going to be my finest. It never is. But now my anxiety is like an electric pulse through my body, my heart accelerated, my muscles tense, panic begging to win.
"Holt?" Ross' voice breaks through my thoughts.
"Hmm?" I mumble, my eyes are burning, my body fidgety.
Navy sits besides me, her body at attention as people crowd the doors outside the room that Ross and I are in. A banquet table in front of us, a couple of sharpies, and a stack of photographs. I don't particularly like signing autographs, especially pictures of myself. It feels loud, attention seeking, vain mostly. I just want to play basketball. I don't need the fame. But as Julia has said before, I bring people to the event. So here I am.
"You look like shit, what's going on?" He asks as he tosses a protein bar and an apple in front of me. "Eat something, we've been here for three hours and I haven't seen you eat anything. There's a damn buffet and you best believe I've made a dent in it."
He's trying to make me laugh but I can't bring myself to do anything. My thoughts are beating to death every avenue Raf could have gone down and I'm still coming up blank. When I don't move for the apple or the protein bar, Ross peels back the wrapper and sets it back down. As if the wrapper is what's stopping me.
"Come on." He prods.
I reach for the protein bar, it's stale and too chewy as I tear through it with my teeth. "Raf didn't come home to my parents last night."
My words come out muffled, my gaze locked my on the table. Ross deflates, a collapse in his frame as he sinks lower, closer to me.
"And you think..." he pauses, his own mind probably cycling through all the various scenarios mine has already gone through. "He ran away or something?"
Or something.
"Maybe." I whisper, the paper of the protein bar crinkles in my fingers as I take another bite.
Ross sits besides me, I can feel him study me. His eyebrows probably knit, his lips slightly puckered, his thinking face. Bianca always says you know when he's scheming because he looks constipated and I can almost guarantee that's how he looks now except I can't bring myself to meet his gaze.
So instead I take another bite of the protein bar, it's hard and chewy and not that great but my stomach gurgles welcoming it happily.
"I got a buddy down at the station." Ross finally says. "I'll give him a call, see if he's heard or seen anything."
Ross seems to know everyone, his list of connections spreads across states. A variety of people, some I've met, some I haven't. I feel a rush of something between relief and fear flood through me as I nod my head.
I don't want Raf to be at the station. But if he's there, he's safe from his dad. A lesser of two evils.
"He's a smart kid." Ross says. "He'll be okay."
But I don't agree. Doesn't matter how smart you are, when desperation hits, rationality disappears. I know from experience.
Taking the last bite of the protein bar, I toss it in the small garbage that Mina had shoved under the table for us. I'm not hungry, but as Ross leans back into his chair, folding his enormous arms across his chest, I grab the apple and bite into it.
