The Dark And Day

6: Is This Me?

I say I'm fine

I'm not fine, I lied

Every day I try to hide

Scared to show my darker side

Every day's a fight

Afraid of the light

I can't stop this flight

My soul is flying

My spirit dying

I'm crying

Alone

No place to call home

All on my own

Everything's crashing

Memories flashing

Can't control myself anymore

Because I'm losing this battle

Fighting the war alone

No I don't talk anymore

I'm too busy breaking my bones

What do you want me to say?

That I don't know my place?

That everyday I'm afraid?

I'm sat next to you

You're sat next to nobody

Because that's what I am

Not a someone, a no-one

Why must you ignore me?

What did I do?

I swear

I didn't mean to hurt you

I just don't know who I am

I don't know what to feel

I don't know what to say

When I can't feel you there

Every second scares

I'm losing myself

In the darkness of my mind

The black I keep inside

I just want to be alone

Why can't they get that?

Through their head?

It just doesn't make sense

They say I'll get lonely,

And then I'll get sad

But I like blocking out reality

I'm glad

Glad that I get a chance to be alone

Glad that, for once, I don't have to pick up the phone

I'm not angry

I'm not sad

I don't know what I am

But I'm glad

Glad for this loneliness

This time to myself

I don't need to bare my feelings

It's bad for my health

Bad for me

Bad for you

Just let me sing

My lonely tune

If I wanted to be happy

Then I would smile

If I wanted to be angry

Then I would scowl

But I don't want to

So I don't change my face

I keep it inside

Hiding my fate

For if they ever found out

What I hide inside

They'd cry, and scream, and shout

They'd find out I lied

And then would come fixes

To my many problems

But fixes are for machines

So they don't fix my problem

I don't need to be fixed

Because I'm not broken

Just because I don't feel anymore

Because I'm not outspoken

Because I don't smile

And my dreams are dead

Sometimes I think

It's all in my head

Am I just a fake?

Doing it for attention's sake?

Or is this how I must be?

Is this me?