Six years ago they were inseparable, they were friends; but now the one person who tops Yeonjun's revenge bucket list is Soobin and for Soobin, not so much so.
Now they meet in an award function, Yeonjun with his daesang for the Artist of the year...
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Yeonjun was feeling sick the past week. He barely ate or left the house, being glad that his schedule was empty. He saw Soobin a few more times after the event and all the bitter words he heard. The younger didn't spare him a glance, though. Not even once. And Yeonjun hated how much it made his heart ache. Only now when he truly lost the younger, his mind filled him up with different images of Soobin.
The way he always wanted to hug him or talk to him, how he approached him at different places, wanting to make him feel welcomed. He was always there for Yeonjun, even if he didn't ask for it. Soobin just knew him. At least the past him. But who was Yeonjun these days? He had no clue, and it was making him confused and devastated.
Everything was alright with his career since his debut; he thought he would finally be happy. But having Soobin briefly in his life made him realize that he was still missing who he was. He still had that desperate trainee Yeonjun within himself even when he thought he suppressed him hard enough. Soobin opened all Yeonjun's old wounds and added new ones to them. He hated the younger so much. But he missed him even more.
Yeonjun played with his phone, turning it between his hands a few times before he finally found the courage to dial the one number he wanted. He knew this was probably a terrible idea because he wasn't ready to talk but he felt like he would never truly be.
"Hello?" Soobin picked up after a few signals.
"Hey," Yeonjun said softly, his hand shaking as he held onto the phone.
"Anything you have to say? Because I'm hanging up." Soobin's voice was ice cold. Yeonjun winced hearing it but didn't want to let go so easily.
"Please don't," Yeonjun said hurriedly "Can you come over? To talk?"
"Why would I? You want to make me cry again?"
"No," Yeonjun whined, "I just really want to explain myself."
"I told you I won't be back at your feet. You're alone." Soobin answered, staying in character.
"Please, Soobin. If you really have feelings for me, you won't be this cruel." Yeonjun said, letting his voice strain and become a bit whiny.
"You're manipulating me." Soobin groaned.
"No," Yeonjun nearly screamed "No, please, I just don't know what to say. Please come to me this one time, that's all I'm asking of you. You can leave hating me, but at least give me a chance to speak."
Soobin hung up and Yeonjun covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes got teary, and he sniffled, throwing his phone somewhere onto the couch. "Fuck" he muttered, burying his face between his palms. It hurt so much.
Nothing happened yet and he was already such a mess. Soobin's words cut deeply through him, no matter how much he refused to admit it. He had no hope in them anymore. Soobin hated him, kept his word, and left him alone. Just like that, they were apart all over again.
Yeonjun still blamed himself for the fight six years ago and pushed all his pain onto Soobin. He knew he made Soobin feel guilty about being in the group when it was his righteous spot. Yeonjun would never get over the sight of those beautiful, doe eyes crying because of him. Twice.
The past demons never left Yeonjun and here he was again, hurting Soobin in the same way. Yeonjun knew he didn't deserve Soobin. But it was hard to give him up. The least Soobin should hear was an apology.
Yeonjun spent what felt like hours on the couch, just staring at the wall and blinking a few times to hold his tears away. He was in a weird state of indifference. He knew he had the next day free from work, so he had no desire to move, no motivation to do anything. He was just existing. Until someone knocked on his door.
Yeonjun's breath hitched, and he wiped his eyes, hesitantly walking towards the entrance. He looked through the peephole and his body shivered, realizing who was standing on the other side, with his hands hidden in his pockets and a large hood covering his head.
"Soobin," Yeonjun breathed out, opening, and staring at the younger with so many confusing feelings. He wasn't even sure what he was going to say. Definitely sorry.
"Try to deny that night meant something and I'm leaving immediately," Soobin said, walking in and heading towards the couch.
He only came because he was far too weak to ignore Yeonjun. He really wanted to, but Yeonjun's pleas on the phone sounded like something the old Yeonjun would say. And it convinced Soobin that maybe there was a tiny chance that they would talk it out. Because no matter how much Yeonjun hurt Soobin, Soobin was going to be there for him.
"No," Yeonjun said quietly, joining the younger on the couch "I'm not even sure what to say, but... I'll try, okay?"
