Silver Lining (Newtmas)

19 - Two Broken Souls

Thomas POV

I couldn't stand it anymore. The sight of Chuck was too much for me. Seeing his face but knowing that I would never hear his innocent laughter, never once again see the delighted shine in his eyes. I forced myself to turn away from Chuck, to be dragged away by a hand that found mine.

I looked up and saw Newt with a determined expression on his face, walking, limping towards the open doors of the forsaken room. I realised that I hadn't noticed his limp was back; it had gotten better when we left the Glade but all of a sudden it seemed to worsen.

I got up mid stride and slung my arm around his shoulders. His hand grasped my waist. I looked up through my lashes. Newt's gaze didn't meet mine. Instead, he stared forward, his eyes almost glazed over. His expression was unreadable. I knew that expression - it was the one he used when he didn't want anyone to see what he was feeling.

And for that moment, despite knowing that I was practically the only one able to help him, to see through him, I looked down. I was selfish.

My gaze turned to the floor as my thumping heart filled my ears. With every beat came a wave of grief. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks, the same tears of Newt's I had helped wipe away.

What if that beat stopped?

My vision cleared. No. I couldn't afford to think like that. Everyone needed me. Newt needed me. I can't just randomly die on my own; there's too many people I need to save. Besides, the trials were over. If we could survive a trap surrounded by a Maze filled with flesh eating monsters, what couldn't we survive? 

Except that it didn't feel like it was over.

~

Newt's POV

Shock. Grief. Wonder. Sadness.

It all flowed back to me.

It was as if a part of me had been resurrected and thrown back at me like full force. The part that had faded ever since Tommy came. 

My memory seemed to be jolted by the sight of my sister. Brief images of us flashed in my mind, and I tried to hold on to them as long as I could. It was the one bit of me I knew. 

I wonder what her name was.

I wonder if I was nice to her.

I wonder who I was before.

I hugged myself tightly. I desperately wanted Tommy's arms to envelope me, to tell me everything was going to be alright. But I could see that he was in his own puddle of grief, and I didn't want to disrupt him.

I needed to stand up for myself. I needed to be strong. I'm too dependent. I'm always too dependent. Tommy was the hero, the saviour. I'm always the one being saved. 

I'm selfish. I shouldn't want comfort. I should comfort him. Why am I so weak? 

Look, he's determination is showing again. He knows something is wrong about here. He's thinking of everyone. And what am I doing? Trying to seek comfort in my pathetic life. He's so selfless, so smart. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone.

~

Thomas POV

I looked at Newt. He's pretending like nothing happened. So I did too. We walked in silence towards our dorm. The tension was strong.

We walked past a room with the label "Teresa Agnes, Group A, Subject A1, The Betrayer". The door was slightly ajar, so I paused and pushed it open. A solitary figure stood inside the room, and it was most definitely not Teresa.