A/N: (Mild) Trigger warning: Self-harm
It's not graphic though.
Newt succumbed to the Flare.
Other things happened, like Brenda revealing she's part of WICKED, but was still going to help them, blablabla, but the days passed in a blur for Newt. There were times where his heads hurt, and his vision swung, and he felt a sort of anger inside him. There were times where he lashed out at Thomas and the others, only to regain control of himself soon after, where he'd apologise profusely.
At the rare times they get a rest, Thomas held him close, and they just lay together, wrapped in each other's warmths, not saying a word.
They didn't realise it, but Newt could sense their worry, hopelessness and distraught. He knew they meant well, but it hurt him to see their hopeful glances, hear their empty promises. He started pushing them away, unsure of his own actions. He didn't want to hurt them further, especially not his Tommy.
And that was why he wrote the note.
He knew it was a bad time, with the rest waiting for him to escape with them - as if doing that would help at all.
He didn't look at Thomas, at his definitive expression that showed so much trust, so much trust that Newt didn't deserve with his state of mind. For a while, the rest pretended he was fine, but they finally gave up their act when he snapped.
He turned at a corner, taking out the piece of paper he'd kept in his pocket. The notebook paper that Thomas had written on, long before the Glade. The one that told him he'd remember him, the little bit of his life before the Glade. The paper was worn, but not torn - he found himself fingering it often, and it offered him soft streams of comfort when the ongoing war was too much.
He clutched it now, and using the tip of his knife (the Gladers had given it to him so he could protect himself, and he'd protested he was too dangerous, but they'd insisted) to cut a small gap on his finger.
The cut felt too familiar.
He remembered back in the Glade, almost three years ago, when covering up his scars was his biggest worry. He remembered that broken shard of mirror he kept in the trunk of a dead tree deep into the woods, and the short moments of relief he'd felt when fresh blood dotted his wrists, before the stress of the world came crashing back. He'd dry himself on some dried leaves, or whatever he could find, and take a moment to sit down, take out that scrap of paper. He'd sometimes dream, of his life without the Maze, of whoever who had written the note.
Then, his grim reality would bite him, and he's stuff the note back in his pocket, his shard of glass back in the trunk, and walk out like nothing happened. He used to wear his hoodie with the sleeves down, where they'd cover his wrists, even a little longer when he first arrived.
He didn't anymore, not after his fall.
Footsteps behind him alerted him back to the present, He duck behind a pillar, watched as a guard walked along the corridor behind him, not noticing anything different.
He flipped the piece of paper on to its back, where it was crinkled, but bare. That paper had shared a lot with him, he realised, and now it was going to some more. Slowly, he traced letters onto the surface, white soaking in crimson.
~
"Keep it," Newt had told Thomas, pressing a piece of paper into his hand, "and don't open it until the time is right. You'll know when it is."
And Thomas had stuffed it into his pocket, and promptly forgotten about it, until they were safe on the Berg.
Well, he didn't know how safe they really were, with Jorge driving the thing, but he tried to be optimistic.
Newt was asleep, head in Thomas's lap, while Thomas sat against the wall of the Berg. He wanted to sleep, he really did, and exhaustion was heavy in his limbs, but he couldn't. His mind travelled to the piece of paper, and he reached into his pocket to make sure it was still there. It was. He contemplated opening it, but Newt had told him not to.
And Thomas trusted Newt.
He trusted him with all his heart, and he knew that Newt was losing his mind, but he didn't think of him that way. Couldn't. Sitting on the floor, with fingers threading loosely through Newt's hair, Thomas wanted to believe they were safe. Wanted to believe that when they do get to Denver, when they find that doctor they were looking for, everything would be fine.
So, he didn't look at the note.
Instead, he cradled Newt closer to him, shifting until the other boy was sitting and leaning against him, with a bundle of jackets and scarves as makeshift blankets and pillows that made their corner cozy.
Thomas closed his eyes, one hand in Newt's hair, other hand on top of Newt's, thumb tracing small, soothing circles as he slowly fell asleep.
~
Newt woke up first, with a moment of panic before he recognised the person behind him was Thomas.
He leaned back against him, waiting for the pang of nauseating headache to hit, like it did every morning.
It didn't.
He frowned, inhaling deeply, then tilted his head to plant a small kiss at Thomas' jaw. Thomas murmured something, shifted a little, but didn't wake up. The rest of the Berg was silent; dark, save for the light at the drivers' seats. Newt could make out vague shapes a distance away where his friends lay, asleep. Somehow it'd become night.
Newt couldn't say he wasn't curious why his increasingly frequent crank symptoms disappeared this time, when it'd been pretty consistent the last few days. But he didn't care. He felt something rise inside him, as the silver moon greeted him outside the windows of the Berg.
He pushed it down, to the base of his heart. He couldn't have hope. Everything just goes downhill from there, he reminded himself.
Still, soothed by Thomas' even breathing, Newt let himself smile, however tiny it was. He let himself smile, lean back against his boyfriend, and forget his problems existed for a little while.
~
A/N: AYE quick update hell yeah. This week is a kinda mid-term holiday for me, so I'll be back in school next week XP WHICH MEANS I may not be able to update for a looong time, until early/mid Oct, because my exams start in like another week. So, mini-hiatus, kinda. But I may still update if I feel like procrastinating.
ANYWAYS, this chapter was kinda dark. And sad. Because of tHE NOTe ;-;
Speaking of which- the THING will be in one of the next few chapters so look out I guess.
But yeah. Thank you so much for reading, and please please vote if you liked this, and comment your feedback. Mmm see you!
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Silver Lining (Newtmas)
Fanfiction(NOTE: CONTAINS SPOILERS) Thomas had always stared at Newt behind the screens of WICKED. When Newt was sent up, he gave up all hope of ever seeing him again. As things got worse, however, Thomas was tasked to go up to the Glade himself. But every cl...
