Silver Lining (Newtmas)

8 - Almost, But Not Quite

NEWT'S POV

"No, Tommy, don't do it!" I screamed, my voice breaking on the last word. I reached my hand out, trying to grab his shirt, but I knew it was too late as soon as his arm had snaked out from its comfortable position around my waist. I had half a mind to run in after him, but I knew that that meant death for me as well.

I watched, helpless, as he ran through the doors into the unknown danger. He was gone. As the doors closed with a final bang, my heart shattered into a million pieces. And unlike last time, I didn't know if it could mend again, because everyone who could have possibly helped me was now gone, as well.

Alby. Minho. My best friends, the only ones who cared for me during my time of need. Tommy. The boy whom I had strange feelings towards since I met him. He had a way of making everything seem better than it is... Even me. I felt better, warmer, safe when I was around him, but now he was gone as well.

I slumped onto the ground on my knees as the Gladers dissipated. No one looked at me, no one cared about my broken state. I let that sink in, unsurprised, before I let myself go. Tears pelted the ground at my feet, and my heart felt like there was a big part of it torn away, leaving the rest in pieces, throbbing with my every move.

With a sickening feeling, I realised that I wanted to do it again. Despite what Minho had told me, despite the silver of hope that we could get out, get back to normal. Last time, I had broken my leg. This time, it was my heart who had fallen victim to the Maze. And why not end it all, right?

Finally, an empty numbness spread throughout my body. I didn't feel sad, angry anymore, just a empty feeling, like something was gone. And I realised, that something, was my heart. It was no longer within me. Physically, it was, but it felt like it had broken, melted, and left nothing but an empty hole.

Slowly, I got up and trudged back to the Homestead. I slumped down on my mattress, the closest thing we have to a bed here. I looked around in despair; the other two were empty. Forever empty.

Minho and Alby, forever gone.

I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. My mind kept going back to when Tommy had gone out into the Maze. With a start, I realised I could have stopped it. If I had just held on to him a little tighter, he wouldn't have been able to go. And he would have lived.

It was all my fault.

The feeling of wanting to end it all came back to me when there was a knock on the door. A sudden irritation passed through me, one I had tried so hard to suppress, and I snapped, "What?"

Slowly, the door crept open, and a small face appeared. "Chuckie, what are you doing here? Go back to sleep," I said, surprised and annoyed. And surprised by my annoyance.

"I can't sleep... Thomas is gone, and it feels weird," he answered in a small voice. Suddenly, as if hearing that had triggered something, I felt the concrete walls I had built around my heart completely fall. I couldn't control my rage anymore.

"You can't sleep? Well I can't bloody sleep either. You're right, Tommy is gone. Bloody gone. Taken by the Maze, like Minho and Alby. Yeah, they're all gone now." I shouted. Chuck looked bewildered, but I didn't care. It felt good to let it out someday.

"You know what it was like during the first few days? Of course you don't. Back then no one cared, no one at all. I was scared, but no one cared about me. So I tried to bloody kill myself. Jumped off a vine, just like that. When they found me I was a bloody mess, and ever since then I vowed to be that person to care for everyone, so they don't do the same bloody things as me." 

Chuck inched back a little out of the doorway, and immediately I felt bad for my outburst. He was just a little kid, after all. I didn't mean to scare him like that. Hesitantly, I called him back, telling him he could sleep in a mattress beside me since no one was going to sleep there anyway.

When we were both settled in, he started to speak. I was surprised, but I listened. "They might still make it back, you know," he whispered. I shook my head defiantly, rolling over to my other side. A tear trickled down my cheek.

"They can't. No one ever does," I whispered, and closed my eyes. But somewhere within me, the spark of hope was growin bigger and brighter. I tried to contain it so I wouldn't be disappointed when they don't make it, but I couldn't. 

They won't make it. No one ever does.

But they could.

Maybe.

~TIMESKIP to morning~

I woke up to the sound of the Maze gates opening. It took me a minute to realise why Alby and Minho weren't beside me, but Chuck was. When I did, a crushing fear only lifted by a candle of hope bloomed in my heart, and I immediately woke Chuck up and rushed to the gates.

My heart thumped as the walls opened wider and more Gladers crowded around me. I squinted and peered inside; there was no one, only empty darkness. Slowly, more people began to walk away and I began to lose hope. I looked away and stared at the ground. I didn't want to look.

What if they don't come back? I think to myself, and I couldn't help the tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. What if-

A squeal broke through my train of thought. I looked up to find Chuck jumping and squealing beside me, pointing at the entrance of the Maze. My heartbeat began to quicken as I narrow my eyes, squinting through the darkness. Gradually, I saw two figures walking slowly in our direction, a third figure slumped between the two.

I see their faces, and I almost squeal too.

I couldn't put in words the joy I felt when I saw Tommy, Minho and Alby make their way towards us. It was as if a jar of happiness had exploded in my heart; I forgot about my past, my leg. The only thing on my mind was joy. 

They were alive.

As I watched the sun reflect off Tommy welcoming him back into a halo of light, I suppressed the urge to run up and hug him senseless. Perhaps even a kiss or fifty. 

Woah there, where did that bloody come from?

But I didn't care. All I cared was that he - they - were alive, alive and well. And for that moment, that was more than enough.

When Tommy and Minho finally handed Alby off to the medjacks, Minho headed into the map room to pen down whatever great thing it was that they had discovered while no doubt running for their lives and Tommy pry himself away from Chuck who had gone in search of something to eat, my heart skipped a beat when I saw Tommy walk towards me.

I stood there awkwardly, a silly smile plastered on my face. I didn't know what to do - a rarity here in the Glade. But Tommy gave me this kind of feeling, and I liked it.

He slowed his pace as he walked towards me, and I held my breath in anticipation of what was to come. Slowly, we got closer and closer, until our faces were inches apart. I started to tilt my head, as did he, my heart thumping in my ears. I leaned in, and he did too-

Into a hug.

As his arms wrapped around me, I blushed furiously and awkwardly did the same. What the bloody hell was I thinking?! Did I actually think we were going to kiss?! I couldn't help it as my heart sank, all the while drowning in the blissful feeling of his arms around me, our bodies pressed together.

I smiled as he pulled away, still confused...

But it turns into a gleeful smirk when I saw that his blushing face matched mine.

A/N: SQUEE okay they almost kissed SQUEEEEE I had a stupid grin when I was writing this HAHAHA and I wrote the first few paras then accidentally deleted the whole thing so I had to rewrite it XDXD

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(lol long A/N sorry heh)