To Fill or Burst, To Break or Bury

a letter to my clover

Hi,

We're going through a lot, 'no? I don't know but it seems like it. I was just wondering how we end up surviving them, not leaving one's side. It's just nice to know we're trying to get better and be okay. That much is already enough. I admire you for the unmeasurable faith you have, and I also thank you for being the best accountability partner I could ever have. We might face an identity crisis at the moment, we might be crying to sleep, or we might be doubting other people, but we're trying. As long as we're trying, that is already enough.

Thank you for being there for me all the time, thank you for checking up on me, thank you for reminding me to try my best and wake up every day. I'm sorry if I couldn't even say what I have to say just to ease your struggles. I'm sorry if you ever felt like I'm not trustworthy. I'll try my best to gain your trust. I won't always know what to say but you can always talk to me, alam mo 'yan.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, mine's available. It's okay to be vulnerable, I don't judge. I love all of your phases, even the dark ones. We're going through a lot but I know we'll be fine. Don't ever think that we'll never see each other again. Promise me we'll try to, one day we'll meet again. We'll eat the things we were craving last night, I'd even try adobong palaka if you say it's as tasty as chicken. You'll play the guitar for me, and I'll sing for you. Pero magpagaling ka muna. The best help I could offer is to pray for you.

For now, look at the stars and the moon above. Every night, I gaze at them too. They remain well-lit and seen amidst the darkness surrounding them. Let it remind you that we are the stars, we try to be seen, admired, and loved. In the middle of whatever's happening now, I know we can see the same sky, and that we manage to look above because we still have hope.

I love you, you get that? You'll get better soon, you have to. Magpagaling ka, mahal kita.

(110921)