Chasing after Lilies

Part 18 // Totally (not) Sober

A/N: mentions of self harm. Summary of this chapter at the beginning of the next one if you don't want to read it, ands a * by where it starts and ends Also if you're ever feeling like this or hit any sort of low point i'm always here! I know shit like this is hard to get through alone. 

Lilies POV

My mom handed me another plate to dry. Chase has been doing a lot of cooking in the three days he's been here "I feel bad for him" my mom whispered

"He'll be 18 before you know it. He's going to get out."

"Do you think he'll move in with his brother?" Chase was currently on the phone with Carson who just found out that he left their mom. 

I shrugged. We talked about it and he doesn't want to leave. "He might stay with his friend Danny, or Lex." I somewhat aggressively took the plate my from my moms hand "He can always just stay here till the end of the school year."

"Lils. I love you, and I would never leave him on the streets, but this is a boy you're...seeing. You're dad and I want to put you first, and keep you safe."

I scoffed "If his friends won't take him in he's staying" she muttered an agreement.

Chase walked back into the room and he was aggressively rubbing his head like he had a headache. "I um. I'm going home for a few hours."

"Why?" my mom and I said at the same time. 

"My mom called Carson calming that she needed me to come home and It was an emergency. Apparently she had a sober moment and wants to talk with me." 

I put down the towel, and walked over to him. My hand met his bicep "Do you want me to come?"

"No. I need to go alone."

"Do you think you'll come back?"

He looked at me emotionless "Yeah I still have stuff here." That didn't answer my question. It didn't tell me if he'd stay. "I'm going to go now before I decide not to go at all. I'll see you later." he kissed me "Bye Naomi"

she waved good bye, and Chase walked out of the front door to his car. "I really know how to pick em don't I."

"It's not his fault what he's going through."

"I want to punch his dad" my mom nodded, and at the same time my dad walked in with his Dallas Cowboys merchandise on. 

"Where's Chase? I was going to show him my collection."

My mom frowned while looking at me then my dad "He'll be back later."

...

Me: When will you be home?

Batman 😎: Not sure. She wants me to stay for lunch. She's not drunk or high. 

Me: I'm happy for you! Text me when you're on your way back because i'm going on 

Batman 😎: Okie Dokie

I smiled at my phone then walked out of my room, and I walked out of my room "I'm going to grab lunch with Emmy. I'll be back later."

I looked around then realized no one is home. My parents have a more exciting life than me. 

I grabbed my bags and headed out

...

"Look at you Shay. You're off of blond football players and onto brown haired stoners. You're growing up." Emmy said as she took my last french fry. 

"He's great."

"I thought he just had fuck buddies?"

"He does." I shrugged  "He's not seeing them anymore though"

"So you got him to settle down."

"Not technically. I don't know it's complicated. He's complicated"

She just nodded. He's not settling down anytime soon, but I like to think I can call him mine. We sat there quietly, and looked around.  "You're such he's not fucking other girls? I don't want you to get your heart broken."

"He's good to me. He likes me as much as I like him. There's no other girls."

"Good."

I hope theres no other girls. I see where she's coming from he's never been the type to limit himself, but I think he's going to try this time. I think it's going to work out.

No hearts broken here. 

...

Chase walked in with his head down. I was the only one home again "What's wrong? What did she do." I walked up to him. His eyes were blood shot. he looked out of it. 

"Lily." he threw his arms around me." you smell good."

"Chase-"

"I have a confession" he let go of me "I had a crush on you since freshman year. I've always hated Lawson because he got to be with you."

"I thought you weren't jealous of him." I teased 

"Trust me if he wasn't with you I wouldn't have been. I really hated him after you told me how he treated you. When he touched you. I want to fuck you, but i'll never do it till you're ready."

I smiled "What happened today Chase?" he sat on the couch. 

"She said she's sorry. Then she asked for money. I said no"

"And?"

"And i'm sick of the way she treats me. I came back here before I broke our promise."

"What promise?"

"That I won't go overboard. I easily could have. I could have done what my mom always wanted me to, and OD."

I sat down next to him "Chase. Your mom is awful. I know she's always hurting you mentally, but please don't give in. I just I can't lose you."

"I'm breaking your heart. I'm sorry." he closed his eyes. He was really out of it. I don't think he's on just weed.

"You're not."

He stood up, and ran to the bathroom. I ran in after him, and he was huddled over the toilet. "Fuck." he muttered. He got sick. 

I want more than anything to hold him right now. To guarantee everything will work out for him. It hurts me that I can't  "Let's get you into the shower." I helped him stand up, and brought him to my room. 

I grabbed a towel. He sat on the toilet while waiting for the shower to get hot. "Thank you."

"I'm always going to be here for you." I touched the water. it was hot. "Arms up." He lifted his arms above his head, and I took his shirt off "Oh Chase." 

*

The scars on his chest threw me off. There were so many. Some faded some bold. "I'm fine love."

"You're not." he grabbed my hand and pulled me down. I was straddling his lap. 

He pointed to a scar close to his heart. "This was three weeks ago. The last time I" he pointed to them "You've helped me more than you know."

"How long have you done this?"

He pointed to a scar on his left side "First big scar I got two years ago. Lily I stop after every good day with you. I want to stop. It's not as easy as it sounds, but I want to."

*

"Tell me what I can do to help. I will."

"Don't let me fall back into old habits. Don't let me let my guard down again" I nodded. I know he didn't mean with me. I kissed his cheek. 

"I'll be in my room. Have a nice shower Chase."