I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The only suggestion I really have is that the cover does not really fit the genre. The first paragraph made me chuckle. It was a very clever way to open. At first, I was beginning to wonder if this book had been added to the wrong genre, but the last line in the opening chapter made me think, "well, that took a turn." Well done. The author uses great grammar, and each chapter ends with suspense and mystery that makes the reader continue to the next chapter. Very well done.
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The author uses foreshadowing well in the first chapter, but it is important to remember that you don't have long to grab a reader's attention before they move on. A strong opening sentence or paragraph is key to doing this. Also, most horror readers want to be creeped out as early as possible. Editing would take care of capitalization and punctuation errors, as well as tense switches that pull the reader from the story. When the action starts, there is a good use of action and suspense that makes this story interesting.
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