Marked

Chapter 29: Scars

We stayed in that water just hugging for quite a while before I got a link from Kaden asking if we would be back for dinner. I linked back that we would and so our little moment came to an end. I was surprised when we got out, Kane gave me space. He didn't even look back. He turned away from me while we both dressed and again I saw those scars.

I told myself I wouldn't push him. I should let him come to me. He said it would take time and that was fair but he had to know I could see them, if I didn't ask would he think I didn't care? I wasn't sure. All I could do was approach delicately. I finished getting dressed and walked over setting my hand on his back just as he was about to pull his shirt on. I trailed my fingers down the biggest scar and he stiffened.

"Will you tell me what happened?" I asked quietly. I normally would just be my loud self but this was different. This was one of those demons I needed to slay but I had a feeling it would take a lot of time and more patience than I normally had.

"You don't want to hear it," he muttered, sliding his shirt on and turning to face me. "It's not pretty and it doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past. I don't live in the past."

I sighed and set my hand on his cheek, feeling a deep pain in our bond despite what he said. "I do want to hear it and it does matter," I said, rubbing my thumb over his cheek. "I'm not going to push you but don't think I don't want to hear it. I want to. Your secrets are safe with me. I wouldn't tell anyone. I'm close to my pack but this is different. What you say to me stays between us unless you want other people to know. I promise."

His jaw clenched and his eyes filled with so much pain it hurt. He darted his eyes away and was silent for a while before his hand came up, resting on my hand against his cheek.

"It scarred because the wounds never had enough time to heal," he sighed. "Lashings with silver chains were daily from the time I was five. To make me stronger. So I could withstand any pain," he said, bringing his eyes back to mine. "They were just worse if I didn't meet his expectations or if I made a sound. I had to be able to handle any amount of pain, never show weakness, ready for anything," he said, his eyes darting away again. "Always ready for anything."

Picturing a five-year-old Kane getting lashed could've been the worst pain I ever felt. I could feel it in him but damn, he wasn't kidding. He had that shit reined in. I could feel the surface and the fact he kept it inside so much should've meant it was louder but it wasn't. That didn't make sense. Xander and Addie's connection was so intense for Addie because Xander kept it all in. I'd always heard from mates that if their other half was one to keep their emotions in, the bond was loud and painful because the bond was its only way out. How did Kane manage to mute it through our bond?

"Why can't I feel it more?" I asked. His eyes snapped to mine, confusion spreading over him. "I should be able to feel your pain more since you keep it all in. Are you holding back somehow?"

"No," he said, darting his eyes away again. "I guess in some ways I am a monster, Tess because I don't feel. I became numb to a lot of things a long time ago. I don't feel much about anything anymore, except when I'm with you," he said, his eyes coming back to me with even more vulnerability than they held yesterday. "I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything again until I smelled you that day, until I saw you, held you. Until that day, I..." he stopped leaning his cheek into my hand. "I hadn't felt very much of anything since my sister died. That's what I meant, the other day," he muttered, closing his eyes briefly before looking at me again. "When I say I went from nothing to something so intense, I meant it. There was nothing. I was hollow and empty until I found you. I had to be." He looked away again, his next words coming out much quieter. "I could never be anything else or I wasn't going to make it through a day."