VESSELS UNKNOWN

SEVENTEEN

       "The mind is a beautiful thing," She pointed out. "But yours is a racing fire. It travels at a speed of lighting."
I smiled nervously. She was right though. I could think a million things in a minute. Traveling to places I'd never been to in my head.

I believe it is termed imagination, but mine was way more than that.
          "Yes Ma'am, I try to stay engaged." Within another minute, I was off again thinking about everything and anything.
          "Unique?...... Unique?" I felt someone tug at my shirt. I startled, then scurried away, my balance was almost lost.
The glaring eyes of Mrs Adrian goaded me. "You looked a little lost there." She observed, squeezing her palms together.

A white lotion laced her fingers as she rubbed them in.
          "I'm sorry ma'am. So foolish of me to have wandered off into the depths of my thoughts." I answered, my heart racing.
  Something about her was putting me on edge.
         "You are alright." She raised her hand. Don't apologize for things that make you happy." Her face turned towards me again, "Care to share?"
I shook my head."Oh its nothing. Nothing of interest ma'am."
Her eyes lingered on me for a while before she turned her focus to her fingers.

A wave of hot flashes hit me like lighting. Drops of sweat took turns to drip off of me. I wiped my face repeatedly, fanning off the heat that had suddenly descended on me.
        "Why don't you sit, you look a little pale," Placing her left hand on mine.
Dalu, get a cold wet towel immediately!" She called out to her maid.
As soon as her hands came on me, I felt a chill, A sudden coolness filled the room, calming me.
             "I'm fine." I managed to say.
             "Are we all not?" I glanced at her face, confused if she needed an answer to that question. Instead, she smiled broadly.

         Her maid reappeared by my side fussing over me with a wet towel. I took it from her and damped my head myself. 
           "You don't need to answer that."
I nodded slightly. The maid took a position behind me, making me uncomfortable.
          "Tell me a bit of your troubled day." She said sharply, adding a weakened sigh to it.
          "Well....That seems to be happening to me lately." I answered slowly, meeting her gaze.
            "And Mrs Abujan, I deeply apologize for my actions towards Jacob. I can't say that I knew what came over me.
          "Oh come off it!" Her fingers waved down my apologies. "What's done is done."
           "Please,..... I......was........."
          " Programmed. " She finished off for me, nodding.

My eyes quickly darted all over the room before settling back on her. A confused shock came over me like filth. She nodded slowly.
        "I see a lot of young people like you who approach me with problems that could have been easily avoided. They lose control over manageable issues, yet they are unable to remember why or how they got entangled in such situations."
       "No. I don't think that was what happened." I countered hysterically, struggling to get off the couch.
             "Please, stay." The pastor's wife pleaded.
             "I must........go." I spat out forcefully.

Images of my rage filled attack  on Jacob surfaced in my head like a web of thick red light. Rage suffocated and controlled my actions.
More importantly, I was absolutely helpless against what controlled me.
            "Now, can you see what I am talking about?" A furrowed brow met my whimpering self.
           "No, that can't be!" I blurted out, panting.

She navigated her wheelchair to face me. Her eyes stayed squared on me, her face hardening.
           "If that wasn't the case, would you mind telling me why a tiny girl like you would beat up my son the way you did. Leaving him bruised up. Even two of you couldn't have caused that amount of damage. "
I forced my eyes off her, focusing on the empty space between us. She was right, the force at which I hurt Jacob was too intense., too violent.
Even I couldn't believe it. Coupled with the fact that Jacob was way taller, broader than me.
            "I am sorry." I said, lowering my chin to the floor.
She didn't respond. I wasn't expecting her to. If I were in her shoes, I would be livid. Few tears ran down my face. I wiped them off. I am not a crier. I reminded myself.   
            "You are crying." She stated.
           "No, I am not." I denied. She nodded, her hands taking mine.
           "You need to get this load off you. You are not a mistake, you are priceless. You are precious to your heavenly father."
My head lifted in surprise. She was rather calm and peaceful, without a hint of bitterness.
            "What are you talking about? You should be raving mad now, yelling and guilt shaming me. Why aren't you angry? " I asked in between tears.
            "For Christ had redeemed us from the law of sin and death, making himself a sacrifice. I can't get angry over things that can't be fixed, over things already in the past." She whispered tenderly in my ears.
           "But....." I started to argue.
           "Hush, hush,....dear. That's alright now." She said, swaddling me in a hug.
     
Love gushed out of her like a waterfall. It dazed me, drowning me. I didn't care, I drank out of until my heart got drunk. A slight tremble spread across my body in a spiral pattern consuming me.
I could literally see flames of her love projecting right into me. When she disengaged me from that hug, I felt my senses return, my breaths steadied.
             "Wow! Wasn't that something?" She asked, searching my eyes. I managed a nod.
             "Are you able to sit up forward?"
             "Oh, I could try," I said weakly, propping my body up slowly. I had fallen backwards a bit, resting my head on the head rest.

    I caught the redness on Pastor Adrian's face. I couldn't determine if this was out of shock or disdain. I hadn't even realized he'd been standing there all along.
When our eyes met, his face wrinkled, then he looked away. Few moments later, he left us and walked away.
       "How do you feel now?" His wife asked, redirecting my thoughts.
       "I......I......"My words hung in my throat.
       "Alright now. Alright. Don't fuss."
She took my hands in hers and began to pray.

       "This pain go away.
       All the hurt, all the fear go away, we run to the Master. We take refuge in his fortress. No more evil,  no more shame.
       We declare mercy. We declare darkness be bound.
      We invoke peace all around you, that your heart be filled with love.          .   
      It's all going to work out for your good.    
     We declare you hurt no more in Jesus name."

         Her words of comfort broke me again, forcing a loud wail out of my mouth. If I was confused before, now, I was thoroughly lost. Her words should make me feel better but I felt a piercing pain my heart. A far cry from any sort of peace.
Another wave of sorrow engulfed me. I held her tighter.
         "Let it out daughter, all of it. Everything." She urged, rubbing my back with one free hand. 
My shoulders bounced up and down as I lost control of my emotions. When I calmed, She handed me a box of Kleenex.
        "I'm sorry I dumped my pain on you." I apologized, my voice low.
       "Oh no, don't be. This what we are here for." She said, smiling at me.
I tried to read her body language but came up short. She glanced at me again.
       "You know, when I saw you, I immediately felt your hurt.  a cloud of hurt, the heavy sack on your shoulder, and another thing I can't understand, but that's by the way. Your pain was too glaring to be hidden." She stopped and peeled her eyes off me.  "But Jesus can take all that away. He can make you new. Doing it by yourself, would consume you. Just give him a chance."

Her wandering eyes rested on me once more. I stared back, not knowing what to do or say.
In that silence, a beam of light passed from her eyes to mine. My face dropped instantly. I felt very light headed, eyes closed.
Darkness raced towards me, I tried to stand, but it overpowered me, weakening my entire body. My legs gave way, dumping me on the floor unconscious.