original my Bestfriend [minho ff]

letting go

Sleep,
Its hard to sleep
when you're heart is at war with your mind.

I was laying down, on my bed, 3 am.

Silent tears falling, my heart aching, my mind and heart in a battle I could not control.
I was alone on my bed, the empty side, screaming to fight for what I want, but my head telling me otherwise.

Why? Why do we let go of the important things?
The things we love?
The things we need?
Sometimes we don't even bother to say goodbye, or do we only forget?
do we ever truly let go?

I hadn't slept at all, my eyes, glued on the white ceiling, the sound of my ceiling fan,the rain from outside and my slow breath, the only things I heard. I was holding the rose gold distance bracelet Minho got me yesterday in my hand, not helping with the tears.

After the call with Stray Kids, I kept my distance with Minho, walked straight to my room afterwards, locking my door and playing my music on my headphones.

No, we aren't dating, but I'm falling for him, and I couldn't.
My life was messed up as it is, I refuse to drag Minho in it or lose him.
I know that fans have already started to "ship" us together as well as rumours have started going around twitter lately.
If Minho's company finds out, he could get in big trouble, and if mine those, I could lose my label.
And it would be my fault, especially if it would be true.

I sit up, grab my bottle of water and realize it was empty.

"Shit" I mumble,under my breath and close the lid.
I let out a sigh, get up and carefully walk to my door. I unlock the door, and walk downstairs to the kitchen.

I turn in the stove light and fill up my bottle. I turn off the water and twist the lid back on, A sudden sound from behind me, the floor creaking, I turn around, scared, to seeing Minho, standing at the other side of the table, staring at me, confusion blazed in his eyes.

"Whats wrong?" He asks calmly.

I shake my head, shifting glances to the floor, trying not to make eye contact.

"Nothing" I respond.

He takes a deep breath and walks towards me slowly.

"What happened last night? You just bolted to your room without saying anything, and I saw you glancing at me while we were talking to the boys."

"Nothing is wrong Minho" I deny.

He lets out a sigh, just in front of me, and goes to grab my wrist.
I pull my hand away, clenching my teeth.

His eyes widened, his face just in front of mine.

He took a step back, noticing I was uncomfortable and crosses his arms, his facial expression getting a little bit more annoyed.

I grab my bottle and walk around him, headed back to my room before I break down.

"Catherine" I hear him saying, walking behind me.

I jolt around, unbalanced.

"Stop it!" I raise my voice.

He froze in place, his mouth opening to say something but hesitates.

"Wha-" he mumbles, slightly scrunching his eyes.

"What did I do?" He asks, pity in his eyes.

I let out an unbelievable laugh.

"Why, Minho? Why?" I ask, tears falling from my eyes,not caring if I woke up Aunt nor Felix.

I put my bottle down harshly on the table and rub my hands together.

"Why did you come back? Why did you have to hold my hand? Why did you stay in my room with me that night I couldn't sleep?" I ask, rage rising out of no where.
"Why did you make me fall for you so damn hard!"

His face looking at me in disbelief.
"Because you're my best friend!" He responds. " I care for you more than anyone"

"Thats it?" I ask, rising my arms to the air slightly. "Because I'm your friend?"

"No, because I like you, a lot Catherine." He admits, lowering his voice.

"Thats my point Snow, you cant, and I cant like you."

"You're leaving today! And I'll be here, alone Snow."

He licks his lips and rubs his hand through his hair. Obviously mad.

"We'll still be in touch Cat!" He yells.

"When? With the time zones? With you having a busy schedule and me as well?"

I shake my head, sobbing.

"You can't Minho, and neither can I"

"Rusk-" he says, tears falling from his eyes as well.

"you have no idea Minho, I just want to lay next to you, and listen to the beat of you're heart.
I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep in your arms and forget the world. I would kill to be with you."
I spat out everything in my head straight forward.

"Lets end whatever we had here, we can't even date anyways, you have a contract remember and I have my rules." I remind him, lowering my voice, looking at the ground.

"Lets stop whatever we had now.
Before we both get hurt." I finish.

He takes a step forward, I turn around before he responds, grab my bottle and rush back upstairs to my room. I close my door and lock it.

I stand there, my hand over my mouth, covering my sobs, I sit on the floor, dropping my bottle next to me, I wrap my arms around my legs, burying my face in my arms with my back against the door, Gasping for air.

I loved you
I loved you Lee Minho, Snow..

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
Right?