jjba x reader oneshots (requests open!)

16- Unita Speciale HCs

Dm Request (paraphrased): Can we get some headcanons for unita speciale? cause i know them fuckers weird asl

yes yes ye syES ive been waiting for someone to ask me to do this oh my gOD

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cioccolata:

- smells like baby wipes

-favorite food is shrimp dipped in white chocolate

-has a master/slave kink

-uses air freshener as breath spray

-this trans mad doctor did his own top surgery and lemme tell you he BUTCHERED it but it's alright because it ended up kinda ok

-buys his thongs from victorias secret

-favorite bug is a worm. he likes to be able to dissect them while they're still alive and moving to enjoy how they writhe

-an actual prick like there's no way you can like him without him manipulating you to

-pisses in the shower

-sleeps in the nude

-listens to rock and indie, but like, in a gatekeeper way

squalo:

-DEFINITELY  a surfer dude in his younger years

-used to have a complimentary surfer dude "accent" (lost it after moving to italy)

- "oh, wassah d~ude?"

-owns an aquarium with all his favorite fishies

-his prized pet is a baracuda, whom he regularly feeds clownfish/clownfish eggs to, because he thinks its funny

-probably wrestled an alligator at some point

-has heterchromia, but wears contacts to hide it

-lowkey scared of cioccolata

- he's a pansexual with a horrible tendency to dye his hair when having a mental breakdown

-size difference kink all the way

-feel like he should've been drawn/portrayed way beefier because i just imagine he has like this bulky body with huge muscles and im so sorry im such a simp for this whore

tiziano:

-listens to ayesha erotica religiously

-i dont think this needs to be said because tis obvious, but some of you have tiny peepee brains, so THIS MAN IS DEFINITELY A HOMOSEXUAL. 

-used to be a stripper for some club, went on a vacation for like a week and meet squalo at the beach

-a total sucker for picnic dates and cuddling.

-compulsive liar

-touching grass isn't enough for this man he needs to be shot

-definitely starred in some shampoo commercial like have you SEEN his hair?

-has a birthmark above his right calf in the shape of a wave. takes this as a sign that him and squalo are meant to be. (someone get him some therapy)

-fucking DROWNS himself in cologne. like you're gonna be coughing and gagging and crying and throwing up if he comes around.

- has a degree in psychology and debate, total jackass in an argument as one might imagine.