I Never Planned You

Chapter 14- Memaw

I may of lied when I told you I've never lost anything; I have, but only remember so little.

I was ten years old when my Memaw passed away. I didn't find out till about a year after either. I had her in my life alot in my younger years, since my parents are always gone.

She'd always wear red nail polish; you'd never catch her without it. She said it made her feel pretty, even if she wasn't.
She told me that I could do anything with red finger nails, and I could get through anything. She spoke of it like it had super powers.

She said I was strong and beautiful, and that someday I'd find something that would make me feel good. She called me a princess.
Even I didn't believe her, but it made me smile to hear it.
I cried on and off for days when I found out. I didn't tell anyone, I didn't show emotion; not even to my best friend at the time.
I'm a closed person, that way no one can hurt me. I haven't lost anyone since her, and I feel like she's still here. I still feel her loving words, wrapping around me.

She wasn't the best role model,and I won't make mistakes, that she made, but I hope someday, to be that confident about myself. To find my piece that makes me feel pretty, even though I'm not.

I've been trying anything and everything since she died. She reminded me that we don't know when our time will end.
I've never told Nicolas about her, and I don't think I could ever tell anyone.

I just don't see me letting someone in like that.

As soon as I got back from James' house, I pulled a box from the top shelf of my closet and threw on some of Memaw's clothes, worn and torn, but I didn't care. I had snuck them out of her dresser when her and mother were fighting. It was right after my mom's New York trip. I overheard my parents tell her I wasn't going to come back to see her. It broke me, but I sucked it up eventually. I knew I needed something of her to get me through this life, so I ran to her dresser drawer and stuff some her clothing in my duffle bag. I knew that if there was any way of knowing what to do, I'd need her.

I curled up in my window bench with Zoey, my cat, and sat therea in great thought.

I don't know what to do with all these unplanned events occurring in my life.
"Tell me Memaw..tell me. Please, tell me." I whisper, rubbing the sleeve to her shirt.