I Never Planned You

Chapter 8- Nicolas

"How am I suppose to know? I don't know what's going on with me?!" I state.

"You're different now. I don't know what has happened, but you're not yourself today."

"What's that suppose to mean?!??"

"Christina...you need to calm down. People can hear you shouting. You sound..." Nicolas fades.

"I sound what!?"

"Ridiculous."

"No, I do not. I'm being serious here. If you hadn't of gotten sick-" I reply.

"I- I wouldn't be sooo off in life!" I add.

"Well since I'm such a problem in your life, what's the point of me being with you??" He asked.

I open my mouth to argue, but I can't. I don't know how to reply.

"Nothing? So, I guess that means we're over." He shrugged and walked away.

When the words left his mouth it made my insides knot. I felt my heart drop and I became quite numb.

I ran all the way home, not caring about the classes after lunch, not caring what they all night be saying right now. When I arrived home, I threw my bag to the floor, and slammed my bedroom door. I gripped my pillow, sunk down onto my bed. Tears were soaking into my pillow with every burst. Mascara dripped down on my shirt. I used tissue after tissue. I couldn't breathe. I kept having to remind myself to breathe in , and breathe out. Reminding myself that I wasn't dying, even though it had felt like it. I had never experienced dying, but I was almost positive this would have been the closest to describing it. I had so many questions running through my head, the room began to spin with each thought increasing.

What am I suppose to do?
Why didn't I say anything back?
Why didn't I do anything?

Eventually, I pick up my phone and call him. He doesn't pick up and I don't leave a message, because honestly, I don't what I'll say. I don't know anything at all.

It seems like I've always had Nicolas. Now I don't.
How is that even possible?
We're suppose to be a perfect couple. Now we're just something blurred and gone. He's the one thing I need for everything I'm suppose to be and have in life; and now he's just gone.
Everything has been a blur lately, but this feeling is more of a nightmare.  Since James, since arriving at school, since Nicolas getting sick, or maybe before then... I don't know anymore. I'm exhausted.
I'm really exhausted.

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