Taming Red

Chapter 24

I'd like to be my old self again
but I'm still tryna find it.

This lyrics from Taylor Swift's all too well really hits just right. Is it possible for someone to be his or her old self again? I don't think so, feel ko ay pampalubag-loob lang ang ideyang 'to para hindi sumuko sa buhay at ipagpatuloy ang paghihilom.

Pero hindi na mababalik sa dati, wala namang may kaya bumabalik sa nakaraan.

Matapos kong makikain sa unit ni Eric, I am reminded that this is also where I saw them that day. Ayokong makita sila, that's what I kept thinking of. Wala akong energy for confrontation anymore, I am drained.

"You can visit anytime," sabi pa ni Eric nang ihatid niya ako sa elevator, gusto pa nga akong ihatid pauwi but I refused, kaya ko naman at masyado nang abala sa kanya.

Umirap ako, "If I have the thick face," I said, chuckling. Natawa rin siya pero umiling at sinabing masaya naman daw ako kasama, siguro ay talagang nasarapan siya sa ginawa namin. Am I that difficult to forget?

Nakauwi rin ako kalaunan, biglang ang tahimik ng paligid. Parang nakakalungkot. I thought of Paige na nasa parents daw ni Dino, hindi kase mababantayan sa dorm kahit pwede, they are busy these days.

Naisipan kong pumunta na lang din sa studio, I don't want to be summoned again, baka matanggal na ako for real.

"Hello, Isaac? are they still there?" I asked, kahit alam ko naman na nandon pa sila, I just want to know the situation or the atmosphere.

"Paige! Oo nandito pa, medyo nagka-problema nga malat kase si Ahyin eh," sabi niya. Naririnig ko pa ang Musical Director na naglilitanya from his end. Mukhang naparami ang ice cream ni Ahyin, kasalanan 'to ni Yohan for sure.

"Sige, papunta na 'ko diyan, 'wag mo na lang sabihin."

I drove to the building at mabuting hindi ako na-traffic. I parked my car at the lot, I noticed that there were more cars than usual. Siguro may bisita ang management, probably new investors maliban sa producers na nag-pondo para sa concert preparation.

I stiffed and my heart started beating faster. Hindi ako lumingon sa kung saan nanggaling ang tunog ng camera, not giving whoever it is a chance na makuhanan ang mukha ko. Magmamadali akong naglakad papunta sa elevator, but as I walked faster, the faster the move of that person too.

Lalong bumilis ang pag-click niya ng camera.

Pinindot ko ang elevator and when it opened, I throw myself inside causing me to bump into someone.

"Paige!"

Na out of balance ako dahil sa pagmamadali...and Dino was able to catch me, but the clicks didn't stop. Napansin iyon ni Dino kaya agad niyang pinindot ang close button at tinago ang mukha ko lalo gamit ang kamay niya, pinagpalit niya ang pwesto namin at ngayon ang likod niya ang nakaharap sa pinto.

The door closes as the elevator started moving upwards.

"Wala na. Inhale, exhale." Hinagod ang likod ko hanggang sa kumalma ako. I'm still breathing fast but after awhile I was able to get back to my senses.

"Dino...pa'no pag na-publish 'yon?" I'm worried there would be speculations again na may something going on between us. Kahit kaunting dikit lang ay binibigyan ng issue, it's nor just affecting our reputation but also our relationship.

"'Wag mo na isipin, hindi naman totoo," sabi niya at ginulo ang buhok ko.

"What are you doing there anyway, 'di ba may practice kayo?"

"Break time. I heard from Isaac that you're coming kaya bumaba ako."

"So thoughtful, leader," nakangisi kong komento, umangat din ang sulok ng labi niya habang umiiling. He still can't take compliments about his leadership.