tw: sensitive topic/suicide
In the end, I barely got any sleep. My head aches as soon as I rise up, my body feels sore from all the activities yesterday. Still, my heart and mind are the most troubled in my wholeness, the rest is bearable.
Nakarinig ako ng katok, at bumukas ang pinto, iniluwa si Eric. Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang mukha at pangangatawan. Thank God, hindi ako namalikmata kagabi—totoong gwapo nga siya. His hair was neatly brushed, and he was wearing a black shirt and... a boxer?
"You awake?" he asked the obvious, smiling.
Umirap ako. "No, I'm just sleep talking," pabalang kong sagot at umayos na ng upo. Hinanap ko ang cellphone ko at nang makita iyon sa table ay hindi ko na rin binigyan pa ng pansin.
Natawa naman siya, ginawa pa akong clown? "I prepared a breakfast as soon as I came back from morning jog, I thought you'll be gone but I'm glad you're still here," nakangiti niyang sabi. Wow, healthy living.
"Thanks, Eric. That's very considerate of you." I smiled, he smiled back too before closing the door again.
For I don't know how many times, I thought of the scene I saw again. My heart just keeps aching with the thought. I feel betrayed. Iyon siguro ang rason kung bakit siya nawala. Gray is living with August all this time. I can't even justify in my head that I maybe wrong, I saw what I saw, and I heard what I heard. My childhood crush and my childhood best friend.
How cruel is that.
I have been in trauma of losing people because of August, I even forgot about her unconsciously because of the pain her name has been affecting me. And now they were together. Daddy? So all this time while I wonder what I did wrong and question myself for my shortcomings, nagbabahay-bahayan sila? He played me. They played me well.
Ilang minuto pa akong nakayuko, pero walang luha ang tumutulo mula sa'kin. My heart feels heavy, I'm deeply moved and hurt but there were no tears, I wonder why.
Lumabas ako ng kwarto at dumiretso sa kusina.
"Are you okay?" Eric asked.
I nodded.
Hindi na siya nangulit pa, hinandaan niya ako ng pagkain at kumain kami nang tahimik. Hindi kami nag-uusap, pansin ko lang ang mga nakaw niyang tingin at muhang hindi pa rin kumbinsido na ayos lang ako base sa timpla ng mukha ko.
"What will you do when the one you love the most, and the friend you trust the most, betrayed you at the same time?" I asked him.
Natulala siya at hindi nakapagsalita. Even I don't know how to react if it was asked to me.
"Sorry," that's all he said. I saw his sympathetic eyes. The words I never want to hear from those two, because it's not what I needed. The brokenness isn't something that can be fixed by that stupid word.
After eating, I composed myself and bid my goodbye, the good man Eric even asked me if he can take me home to which I refused. Masyado na siyang mabait that it's bothering me already.
"Call me if you need anything." He even said that before we parted ways. How is this a one night stand, am I having more friends every time I sleep now?
Nang makarating sa condo ay agad akong nahiga, huminga nang malalim, nag-isip.
My phone didn't ring today, I wonder what's happening to the band.
Tumayo ako at nagtungo sa kusina ng condo ko, binuksan ko ang ref at tumambad sa'kin ang halos blankong shelves, but there is water. I took it out and drink. I wanted to be hydrated, because I want to cry, I want the tears to fall so I can move past this, so I can say that I mourned for my dead old self.
YOU ARE READING
Taming Red
Romance[R-18 - written years ago, a draft that I decided to publish; bear with errors. xoxo] Red, named after a color they said, I say it's a symbol of war, like the chaos in my head. I always find my name boring, but I liked the fact that my Mom thought o...
