What if W(h)en

3부

Wen Ruohan was yet again sitting while eating noodles. Coincidentally, Wei Ying was tagging along.

"Mother, why do they have big knives and I don't?"

"Do you want to?"

"I mean I don't know."

"Well how old are you?"

"Six."

"Then when you're ten, I'll get you a big knife."

"Mother, what does Xu-gege do on his free time?"

"Don't ask me. I don't know."

"He's your son-"

"Son or not, I know nothing."

Wen Ruohan slurped his noodles loudly.

"You're really crazy."

"Meh~ I just do things as I please."

"Mother... If it isn't a bad thing to talk about... Why are many people talking bad about you...?"

Wen Ruohan cleared his throat before placing both bowls of noodles away.

"Let's not talk about it here. Come."

Wen Ruohan carried Wei Ying up as they left the I don't know what to call this but let's call it house, through the back door. It was a clearing but Wen Ruohan made a turn as he jumped up the roof. Now they walked to the middle of the roof, it was pretty far up and you can even see the vast land and city.

"What do you think?"

"It looks pretty up here... Prettier than there."

"I'm glad."

The silence washed over them.

"Mother... Can you tell me now...?"

Wen Ruohan sighed, laying down as he used his sleeve to cover his eyes.

"I'm power hungry. Greedy... Envious... Prideful... A Glutton... And a bastard... I mean it's not my fault I suffer from inferiority complex and imposter syndrome or whatever Wen Yilein said (Wen Qings' mother)"

A chuckle left him before Wei Ying laid his head on Wen Ruohan's stomach.

"Why do you want to be more powerful...?"

"Hahahaha... I don't know."

"You don't?"

"I guess...?"

Wen Ruohan stroked Wei Yings' loose hair.

"My father was respected because he was strong and powerful... And I thought to myself that... If I'm more powerful, then people would like me more... They would respect me too... But why... Why do they fear me...?"

Wen Ruohan suddenly felt a tear stream leave his eye.

"I'm sick of myself... Like all of them have cool friends and they've got happy lives... Like I want to have some fun too you know... I feel like I've done so much bad things when I haven't even done anything yet... I'm so sick of myself..."

"Mother..."

"No because I try my best to show them I can protect them and I can be relied on but they think... I'm showing off I guess...? I mean I know I'm hot and powerful but I want them to like me too... I want to have friends other than just one..."

"A-niáng told me this before... That power isn't everything..."

"Of course she'd tell you that."