Ch 39. Words

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1 year ago

It's a wide night and as another barrage of his window gazes over his body. He thinks of christmas and he thinks of the winter. He thinks of Jungkook.

Thinking, until all the yelling in the backfield of his room still lingered downstairs. His mother's and father's voice blending in with his only thought of Jungkook. Because he still, couldn't understand

He's spent all these years struggling to say the intangible, only to now not have anything to tremble his lips. It's been days, weeks he didn't really know.

All he knew was that Jungkook didn't talk to him anymore. And that his chest hurts

So much that he doesn't register his bedroom door opening. Doesn't notice that it's now isn't just him cramped against his floor, under his window with the only source of knowing he isn't alone.

It takes a moment for Taehyung to look up. Realize that his father and mother standing at the end of his legs.

"We're moving, pack your things"

Taehyung had never blamed his parents. He didn't really consider their yelling's and endless arguing to ever blame on them. He had told himself ever since his five year old body found itself scared, tears tracing  his small eyes, that it was okay

He was okay. He wasn't hurt and his parents wouldn't be if he just stays quiet. Maybe, one day when he grows up he would understand. Understand that love doesn't always turn out the way he had thought it would

That his parents love wasn't there. Not for each other and not for him

But even so. The only place that kept him going was here. And leaving this, would only break him.

"What?"

He asks the question in such a composed manner that it scares Taehyung more than the time he had to process.

But his simple question make his father's face fall down. The rage he directs towards his mother turns to him.

His expression twists into something that wants Taehyung to hide himself in the shell of his body

"I said we're leaving, get up now"

His father's words weren't to be played with. And he knew that. But his mind and his body was saying otherwise.

He couldn't. Couldn't leave this place he really couldn't. He didn't want to leave the place where he knew that maybe, someday Jungkook would smile at him again.

Talk to him again

"I-I don't want to, I can't leave Jungkook"

Taehyung pleads. Voice shaked against his trembling lip.

his father presence starts to get louder and louder. Face red and eyes turning near into blood. His face rages, and he looks at him the way he would look at a prey.

And after that he doesn't remember much. All he remembers is his mother's face. The way she looks away, and he saw it. Maybe for a solid second before he didn't recognize his father's lashing words. Didn't understand when he felt the stinging pain against his cheek

"We told you we don't ever want to see you with that boy again!"

When his father hits him for the very first time, he wonders why he still thinks of Jungkook's hand. Why the coldness grasping his body slowly covered itself with the memory of warmness

"We've done everything for you! Me and your mother have done our best to raise you here so you can have a great life! How dare you tell me now you want to stay here and take a friend over your own parents?"

His father growls in disbelief. All his words baffled by the tightness he gathered over the belt in his hand.

And a blow comes right to his chest. Over and over again.

If Taehyung had time to count he wondered how many it was. Was it every time his father voiced a word? or everytime he drifted to not feeling the tears crippling his eyes? Everytime his mother screams, begging his father to stop? Everytime he couldn't feel his own skin

It hurts.

It hurts a lot, and it hurts so much that he wishes. That he hopes that Jungkook will never feel this pain

And then his parents leave. And he may sound crazy but it felt so lonely. The quietness is filled now and his agonizing body feels cold. He could feel blood and he could feel pain against his trembling skin. Against his trembling lips and gashed colors

His hands slowly, weakly reaches up. Before covering his ears in the warmth of one person.

And he hold them, cradle his body as he rock back and forth and cries, and cries. Taehyung cries until it hurts. It hurts too much, but he's not sure if it's worse on his thoughts or body.

He cries until he can't remember Jungkook's warmth, until he can't remember the last word he ever told him. Cries until he realizes that all years he's never felt alone was now the only thing that stayed. It was his only friend.

It's a winter night and the Christmas barrage of happiness lights up the sky. Taehyung thinks about Jungkook. Wishes that he is smiling right now

Until he doesn't realize, his ability to form words had broken his throat

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