[Secret Secret] A SKZ Story

[Chapter 4: Unveil]

She was laying on the ground, watching the stars again. She had been going to the roof alone for a few nights. Their schedules didn't fit for another week after that last exchange of words.

Allyson had a thing in mind. She was half wishing he had forgotten about the 'make more friends' thing he said. The other half could only imagine who could he come up with. He had been in this line of work for so much time, he knew half the industry.

Practice was brutal. It wasn't that she couldn't make the moves.

She could.

She didn't get along with people. And the track they were using. That was the problem. She hated it.

She was put in a all girls group with a cute and girl-nextdoor vibes. Moves were cute, with little footwork. It was so sweet, cheery and happy, it felt wrong in her eyes. Everyone was so nice to her, and she felt it fake all over the place.

She was pretty sure they didn't like the fake blonde foreigner taking a spot in the group. They already had a cute japanese girl that was way more beautiful and had a perfect korean speech.

It wasn't a definitive group to debut, and they would trim members out until they achieved the final version. She wanted out, but wanted to make a good impression anyways. She wanted to avoid they kick her out of the agency and let her try other concept, other group, something that fitted her. She didn't want to be put inside a frame and fit in.

It was going to be hard. She sighed.

The boy, regular to the rooftop, greeted her with a couple of papercups with some hot beverage in his hands. Even though there was only a door that led there, he always looked like he came out of nowhere. She never even heard him walking.

He smiled and handed one to the girl.

"I'm probably not the right person to tell you this, but you need to learn to take a compliment, Chan. Those Stays are getting you more and more flustered on screen every day."

She showed him her cellphone screen. She had just watched his live streaming and had a screenshot of a very blushed Chan on her screen. Edited blush and all.

"Oh my gawd... If you have that, they do too."

She laughed at him once more.

"You seem so confident on screen, when you're on a show. And then they tell you how cute you look without make up on and you're a goner."

She laughed while he sat by her side.

"I really think you're cute and they think so too. Do you know...? You have to acknowledge that. There are many things I don't like about myself. I never liked it my body shape so I work out all the time so I can look at myself in the mirror and don't hate my reflection so much..."

Ally raised her eyes to the sky and took a sip of the warm beverage. It was coffee. Black and bitter, just like she drank it. It was one of those days, with ups and downs.

"I still don't like how my voice sounds. Every day, I feel like I'm wasting too much time. And I feel like I'm wasting other people's time. People way more important than myself." She kept going. "Like you. You are important."

Chan watched her hands, she was shaking. Not enough to drop the coffee, but noticeable non the less. He kept silent watching her every move.

"Sometimes I just want to go back home and I stay in my room without being a bother to anyone. But also I don't want to go back to my home because I know I'll be a bother to my parents."

She sighed and he just knew she was deciding if it was a good idea to keep on talking.

"And I've struggled so much to say these things to you, because I can't stop thinking at the moment this conversation ends, you are going to walk away... and I would let you, because I never want for you to waste your time with me. I wanted to be someone you can come to, to tell me what you feel, your own struggles. To be your friend. But I ended up being a nuisance."

She dried her tears and changed attitude suddenly.

"Sorry. I'll take my leave now. I won't come anymore here." She got up and made a deep bow. "Thank you for listening all these days, sunbae."

As she tried to get away, Chan took her hand and tugged her lightly. He hugged her small frame.

"Don't be silly, sis. You are my friend."

Ally hugged back, holding his hoodie in her fists.

"And I know you are a great listener. You can come to me whenever you need to. Let me help you, yes?" His words were soothing as always, and she couldn't stop the tears. She breathed in and out with his instructions.

"Thank you, Chan."

"That's better... Now, let me help you. I also think maybe... you should quit coffee."

-

Ted talk gone wrong.

It's really hard to explain those moments you just start speaking your mind, and there's no going back. Been there, done that.