[Secret Secret] A SKZ Story

[Chapter 11: Blue]

Here's another warning: self harm mentioned.

-

"Kids! Chan!" She waved as she stood in the doorway. Her hair was now black and had dark blue parts underneath. It was flattened out and it almost reached her waist.

Bangchan looked up and made a hand movement to let her know she could come in. He was sitting with his laptop and some equipment.

"Nice look, Blue!"

She smiled mouthing a 'thanks' and passed her hand through her hair. Jeongin, Changbin and Seungmin were practicing some moves with Lee Know.

"That video was awesome. Some editing you had there... And the lyrics! Dude, I want a tattoo with that." Allyson thought for a moment. "If I can get tattooed... I'm not sure if that would actually work."

"I don't know. But I guess you could try... I'm honoured you like our lyrics that much."

"Yeah!" She debated a moment with herself and added. "But I came by to tell you some other thing: I got ditched from the girls crew I was in. Even with Minho's lessons I'm not that good. But I got to try for band and I think they did like me. I'm slightly suspicious that the reason I was ditched is my new leader."

"Great, I suppose? I thought you were a dancer." He laughed.

"Yeah, it is what she wants. You're a good dance student anyway. I'm sure you'll get better if you keep practicing." Lee Know said.

"I suck at dancing. I realized as soon as I saw the others... but that was what they needed at the time. Lucky me, I didn't even got into stage." She shrugged. "The band has a dark rock concept. They said something like Day6 plus Dreamcatcher. For me it's more along the lines of Evanescence plus Linkin Park... With a K-pop twist."

"You are going to learn to play some instrument?"

"I play keyboard. That and singing is what got me in."

"For dance?" Seungmin commented.

"Oh, yeah. She gave quite a show in the tryout." Felix spoke behind her. She never knew when he entered a room. If somebody had told her he was the invisible one or could teleport, she would have believed. "She even rapped."

Ally squinted her eyes. "Do you watch every video you get your hands on?"

"No, no... I just wanted to get to know who was spending that much time in the roof with Chan." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

This kid knew everything, didn't he?

"In the roof? That's off limits." Seungmin was more interested in the conversation now. "What were you doing there with our little Blue, Chan?" Guess that's a name that will stick for a while.

Lee Know put a hand on her back and led her out. "Come Blue, I was waiting for you."

"Hey! She came to see me..." Their leader was pouting.

"Hey! I didn't get an answer!" Seungmin mocked his leader.

"I'll text you later!" He was again talking with her, without the need of her saying anything.

Dance practice, Lee Know?

"What? No, no. There are some things that we need to sort out."

Do you want to know what Chan and I did on the roof? It was her turn to raise eyebrows.

"Yeah! no..."

"Can you tell me something 'bout this?" Allyson asked out loud.

"No." Then he turned, right before they left the room and said loudly "Ha! I know things you both have no idea!" His eyes reached both Bangchan and Changbin. Ally had no idea about what he was talking about half the time.

Once they reached the rooftop, they sat in the shade. Minho was all serious.

"It seems this is the place where you can speak your truth. I've heard some unpleasant thoughts and I wanted to talk about them with you."

"What did you hear?"

"How did you found out about your abilities?" Straight to the point.

"I was in a low point. I was trying to off myself. Obviously it didn't work." She said exactly what she was thinking. It was pointless to do otherwise. She looked away. "I tried many times after that, but nothing did the trick."

"That's what I feared... Why? What put you to the edge?"

It seems stupid now. I am ashamed. "I was seventeen the first time. My best friend had liked the same boy I did for years. I now think she only befriended me because I talked with him on the first place. We both liked anime, and the rest of the class didn't."

Allyson took a deep breath. "I'm not sure when it started. She set me aside from everyone and I found myself alone. I don't even know what she told them. Nobody would even talk to me. I asked her if I had done something bad and she told me that I should let it go. She didn't spoke to me again."

And I felt like it was my fault somehow. That I had set everyone away. Some other kids talked to me, time to time on classes. But it never felt like the friendship I missed. I didn't go any birthdays or parties and didn't want to go on school trips anymore. I felt so left out.

Minho patted her back and hugged her frame with one hand.

"I wanted to speak to my parents, but whatever I said, they told me I was just a child. And they had so much work."

Even if it was true, I was a child, they didn't made me feel like I could talk to them. Like everything could be better with time. They never liked counseling or psychological help so I couldn't ask for that.

"I have no siblings or close cousins. I felt alone. Invisible. Like I didn't matter." I felt that nobody would miss me. I felt that it was the same if I lived or died. I felt there was no point in life. After I tried to off myself, I had to keep going because I just couldn't stop. I tried to find a reason, a meaning to life. The only thing that kept me going for a long time were stories, it was music, books and films.

He spoke after a while. "If you ever feel like that again, you just have to reach out for us. We are here for you. You don't need your old fake friends. You have us. Let's all die old and of natural causes."

A moment passed. She thought of growing old, with friends like him. Ones that actually cared if something happened to her. She cared for them too. It wasn't so bad. It was good.

"Besides, I'm sure we are all way more handsome than that boy, Blue."