He's Only My Destiny

Pt13-To See Reason*

Yet to be checked for errors. Feel free to point them out to me.
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Merlin stalked his way back into Camelot, after a couple of hours, with a broken heart and a never ending trail of guilt growing in his wake. The lower towns had dispersed slightly, drags of people here and there still bartered though. Merlin slid through the groups, trying his best to avoid conversation. A few people shot him glances of care, having become fond of the perky man who often made his way down from the castle. To see him now, like this, struck worry into their chests.

The servant noticed their eyes following him and so picked up the pace. Soon enough he reached the citadel and cautiously went inside. Despite the chains of logic pulling him away from the kings chambers he trod on, gripping to the rope of love for strength. The door came into view and a knot began to form within Merlin's gut. Flashes of Arthur shouting at him passed his mind, tightening the knot. He took a breath and a step, then another. With a gentle push he opened the door, being careful to make his presence known.

"Arthur?" He whispered, his voice hollow.

His eyes scanned the room but found no sign of the king. A sigh of relief, despite a desire to see Arthur, fled his mouth as he closed the door once more. With a glance down the hallway he began his ascent to Gaius' chambers. He needed to talk to the old man.

The door's hinges creaked under use as it opened, telling Gaius of someone's arrival. His head popped out from behind a pillar and his sight immediately softened upon the sight of his ward. However, when Merlin let the door close and meandered towards the bench, his face contorted into one of woeful anticipation.

Gaius, after wiping down his hands, came to rest with Merlin, sitting down on the beach beside him. Without a word he wrapped his arms around the ravens body. In response Merlin collapsed against him, the struggle of maintaining face having drained him entirely. Rather than crying, as Gaius expected, Merlin stared off into the distance. He focused on the feeling of pain rooted within his gut and relished in the way it poisoned his very insides. It was a feeling atleast.

"What happened?"

"I told him."

Gaius lifted his head to look at Merlin but the servant didn't shift.

"And he freaked. I don't know if guards are going to storm into this room at any minute," Merlin droned. "He was furious, Gaius. I could see it in his eyes," Merlin choked, struggling to relive the moment without emotion.

The apothecary rubbed his ward's back in a comforting sense but remained silent. He feared this would happen. Despite Arthur's steadily changing views and obvious affection for Merlin he still failed to see reason. He could not wholly be blamed though. After living a life of pain and regret, mostly being the work of sorcery, it was only fair he had forged such an impression of magic users. Gaius' belief that Merlin might bend this viewpoint was clearly wrong, to which he was sorrowful for. The older man had wanted nothing more than for Merlin to be happy and accepted. After the few months he'd been here, it had become his deepest and most sought for wish. He deserved it after all.

Merlin stole a quick breath and sat up, his face void of any emotion. The only clue to his feelings were puffy eyes, still red from weeping. He then stood up and wobbled. He held onto the table for balance. Then, without a word, he walked up into his room and closed the door.

Merlin then spent the next couple hours sat at his desk, waiting. He watched as the sun rose and rested above the castle. He listened as the floor boards creaked in the room beside him and froze everytime the physician's door opened. A part of him scolded the rest for such a silly movement but he couldn't help the instinctive fear that washed over when someone entered the room.