Alice in Hell (Alpha/Omega)

Alice in Healing

Alice pov

It became better over time, that much was true and though it wasn’t perfect, our daily life had started to get back to somewhat normal. Well normal beside the glaring obvious difference. I had pushed myself further away from them for each day that went by and it wasn’t something that I meant to do and I still care for them so much but it was difficult to not go back to those days whenever I saw them, how those horrible words still whispered in my ears every time something remotely reassembled it.

He had left a permanent mark in my mind that I simply couldn’t get rid off no matter how hard I tried so I focused on everything else but them. I knew deep down that this was a bad way of coping and in no way a healthy way for me to live but on the other hand, I got to experience some things that I had been unable to try beforehand.

Because the truth was and this hurt to say, I had been sheltered from the moment I stepped my foot onto Korean land and it didn’t help how I had been mostly alone in the past. It had made me unable to truly function and see how things truly were and maybe, just maybe if I had interacted with more people I would have seen the warning signs that now just seemed glaringly obvious.

It was not their fault in any way, I understand why they would act the way they did considering the state of distress they found me in but their protective bubble gave a false sense of security that ultimately led to me being taken. 

And this protective stance only became more strong after I was kidnapped and then rescued but completely broken. How would they not shelter me even more than before, I would have done the same if I was in their situation. I did not blame them for one second but now I was scared of essentially everything and I couldn’t truly live like that.

And then I met Cheong Haseul, a woman that was scorned by society, that was thriving in a way that I never could. She held her against everyone and did so without losing herself and I couldn’t help but admire her. She took me underneath her wing that she used to fly so high, did not ask into my past or pried into my current relationship but that only made me want to tell her everything about me. 

She became the one friend that I had needed this whole time I had been in Korea, the one that made me see things in a different light and I couldn’t help but feel so grateful to her. She made it a possibility to talk about things that I couldn’t before with my boys. I could complain to her without fearing it being shared to the rest of the mates through the mind link which had started to make me feel quite lonely. I of course trusted them with it of course but sometimes you just needed a person not involved in the whole mess that could be impartial about the situation and knowing it would stay hidden. 

With her help I realised how they had to a point been suffocating me with doing everything for me, basically infantilising me and I honestly didn’t enjoy being treated like broken porcelain. I wanted to learn how to function once again and I couldn’t do that if they kept doing everything for me at every waking and even sleeping moment. So I spent my time with her. 

Their longful gazes were not something that went unnoticed by me and a small part of me wanted to run into their arms in their safety and just stay there but they barely touched me for longer than five seconds. That was except when I was panicking and therefore their touch started to become a familiar touch with the feeling of fear and I seriously won’t allow that to happen.

I needed to change my mindset and it needed to be soon and I needed to be the one that did the first step cause they didn’t do it themselves any longer. To a certain point that was good, I could take it in my tempo without letting it feel like it was forced upon me from them, no this change needed to come from me alone and no one else. I needed to heal and tha step was needed for me to continue living and I knew that if I asked them, they would help in a heartbeat but I didn’t need that, it wouldn’t work except coming from me.