𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑

𝟏𝟏

Apparently, I glow.

And apparently, I have a crush who may have a crush on me.

Huh.

Who woulda thunk?

Definitely not me.

What the girls were saying two nights back, has stuck with me. Emma's words specifically have stuck with me in the many hours since the encounter.

I figured that maybe I would know if I had a crush. I mean, Noah's undeniably attractive, but would I go as far as to agree that I may possibly have an itty bitty crush on the guy? Truthfully, not really. Attraction and crushes are very different.

But that thought doesn't seem to make me any less nervous about what a crush would mean for friends.

He's one of my first, and who would I mean to ruin that? To jump the gun and ask if he "felt the same way". However I felt, anyway. I don't know what it says about me that near strangers knew more about how I feel than I do, but it couldn't be anything too good.

I pull a shirt over my head, careful not to mess up my makeup as I reached for the only clean pair of bottoms I had left. Laundry has never been my strong suit, and I guess I've always known that. But what would be the fun in figuring out what I've been doing wrong this whole time when I could wear a skirt that's maybe two sizes too small?

I pull on a cardigan I would take off as soon as I left the cabin due to the scorching heat outside these walls, and as I do this, I realize that maybe the reason I don't think I have a crush now is because I've never had one before.

It's a sad truth that has me a little shaken for a moment, but then I remember that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my dad's incompetence as a parent.

I wasn't granted enough time of my childhood to spend on anything other than my brother, let alone puppy love.

That seems to only make the feeling in my belly burn a little deeper. My feelings are much more complex than they were in elementary school, which makes me think that I could love better now than before.

The only reason I don't shut down my thoughts is because I know that even I deserve to revel in something as suspenseful and serene as a crush.

I decided a long time ago that I would try to take back small pieces of my childhood little by little. And maybe this isn't the best way, but I like the thought of making little emotions feel big the way I never fully got to.

If being an adult-child meant that I would feel even an ounce more sane than ever before, then I'm willing to risk my pride and expose myself to the inevitable embarrassment that comes with the whole adult-child thing.

I tuck my phone into my bra and fix the waistband of my skirt. The skirt hugs me so tight that it may as well be a second skin. It only reaches to my mid-calf and it's kind of bordering between a sha beige and white.