"Yes?"
"I- I um- well, you- I-"
"Listen, kid, the campers' cabins are on the other side." He points behind him. "Now, move, yeah?"
"That isn't it!"
"Then what is it?" He still has that same bored tone.
Finally, the words I've been meaning to say spi...
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If it wasn't for Mason in the back seat, I'd be bawling my eyes out right about now.
Noah didn't trust that I'd be able to drive myself or Mason in my state, and in all honesty, I don't think I would have trusted me either.
What Dad said to me... His threats. I can hardly believe it happened. I can hardly believe that this is my life.
What kind of person do you have to be to do this to your child? Does it even register in his mind how messed up this is? How messed up any of this is?
Noah's been holding my hand the whole drive, and I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little glad this is happening. Because if Dad didn't call and rip my life from my hands, then Noah wouldn't be holding one in his for safe keeping.
I want to bawl. Cry, scream, beg God to just give me the power to speed through this part.
There really is no need for this. No need for pain or longing when I thought I'd left all the bad feelings behind.
When I was at home, I was so depressed. Anxiety, the lack of control I had, loneliness... it seemed to build as a whole that would have been labeled "madness" had I not come to Tamsyn.
Pretending to be strong for so long wore me out. Even if taking this job wasn't exactly a vacation or break from much, it'd been relieving. Having to leave it all this way and a few days too soon is bittersweet. Anything for my brother, though.
Music isn't playing. For the first time in my life, I'm glad for that.
I squeeze Noah's hand five times, he does it back.
The thought of not seeing him for awhile is my least favorite at the moment. I've grown so attached to him, used to having him around. Now imaging he won't be with me for quite some time does nothing to comfort me.
"Do you want to stop? Grab something to eat, maybe?" Noah asks.
I'm so hungry that my stomach is tight and I've even got a searing headache. But so help me God, if I take a bite of air I'm going to puke all over Noah and my car.
My face must have said it all because he says:
"I'll get you something just in case, all right?"
I nod.
My gaze flicks to Mason in the backseat. He doesn't have a care in the world, nodding his head to whatever he's got playing in his earbuds.
Maybe I shouldn't be envious of a fourteen year old boy, but that's where my life has taken me.
I didn't care about whether or not I'd have to go home when I first arrived at Tamsyn. I hadn't because I doubted I'd have anything to leave behind. No friends, no guy—no problems. But it feels like I just accumulated about five million problems in the span of one whole day.
