Lost Voice

Heavy Heart // Notice

I clung to Xacier all night, trembling in fear of being dragged out of bed and stabbed to death. I don't think he got a wink of sleep, he probably made sure I didn't have a panic attack in his arms.
My soft gaze stares at Xacier contently, his features were relaxed and soft again. His pale face had a golden glow to it as the sun hung lowly in the air. I lightly trace my fingers over his lips, my cheeks burning when I remember when he kissed me. I nuzzle into his chest, oh god..I really want to kiss him again.
My face burned a dark crimson red, I peek up at Xacier only to find his lovely purple eyes staring down at me, a soft smug smirk on his lips.
Oh lord, I couldn't be anymore dumber!
I quickly pull my fingers away from his lips, but I wasn't quick enough, he grabbed my hand and kissed his sweetly. His dark purple eyes shining brightly, I squirm a bit. I can't even handle a kiss on my hand, how am I going to handle a kiss on my lips?!
My eyes squeeze shut in embarrassment. Isn't this the second time that Xacier caught me watching him in his sleep? How creepy is that? But I don't think he minds, or at least I hope he doesn't mind..

His firm grip wraps around my wrists, pushing my back down on the bed. My eyes snap open in fear when I feel his weight on top of me. Oh god stop. Don't touch me this way. His soft breathing against my lips and his warm hand up my shirt caused a small squeak to escape my lip. I shudder in both disgust and pleasure. He's so close, and his hands are so rough at the touch yet so gentle. I want to trust them but I can't. I can't trust them, I'm absolutely terrified. What is he going to do to me..? I want him to stop touching me like this, but at the same time, I don't want him to stop. I still can't believe this is happening... my heart is about to pound out of my chest, and it will if he presses his soft lips against my own.
A soft moan escapes my lips, I squeezed my eyes shut in fear. Xacier tries to calm me, his hands caressing my sides gently and his warm lips press up against mine gently, moving them in a smooth motion.
I gasp, and tense up. I'm afraid that things may go to far, but now I'm dying and melting into his kiss and touch. I don't know how, but Xacier managed to calm me completely.
His hands had pushed up my shirt, roaming my chest and rather curvy sides.
I can't push him away, even if I wanted to. At this point I've completely submitted myself, the kiss deepens and I can't stop the soft moans escaping my mouth. My cheeks burn a dark red as confusion runs threw my mind.
I can't tell if this is okay or not.

And then bitchy ass nagging voice had to butt in.
Enjoying yourself there, you little slut?
Go away, I'm not a goddamn slut. It's not like I want to be touched like this!
Sure you do. Only sluts would submit themselves to a male without any feelings towards the male but sexual tension.
I stop working, I completely shut down.
I can't do this to Xacier with my wishy-washy feelings, I know I love him but I'm so scared. I'm absolutely terrified.
I pull my shirt down and block my lips. I don't dare to look into his eyes, I don't want to see his sad face and the rejection in his dark purple eyes that are bound to be stormy by now.
He gets off of me, and he heads towards the door. I saw that every muscle in his back was tense. I get out also, heading out the bedroom a little after Xacier. I heard him in the kitchen, I walk past and made it in front of the front door.
"I-I-I'll be back later, Xacier..." I said softly, I was certain that he didn't hear me. I opened the door as quietly as I could, slipping through the small crack before once again, closing it silently. I quickly walk away, my feet leading me anywhere but there. My feet walk out the creaky gate, I only made it about five feet from the gate before the pain in my heart became unbearable. My heart twists and aches, I got some reason I can't confess my feelings to him.
That would mean things would get serious, and I don't know if I can handle it...
I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, my hair is a mess and my lips very pink and slightly swollen. I walk with blurry eyes and a heavy heart.
"Hikaru..?" I hear Jason say.
This was not my lucky day.
He grabs my arm, pulling me towards him and into his hold.
"Hey..you alright?" He asked, his hands gliding through my messy hair.
A muffled cry escaped my lips, let me go. Let me go.
Aw, look at you. Ran away from the man you love and into the arms of the man you began to fear. How adorable.
Stop it, please go away. You're only making things worse.
"You can tell me," Jason said, rocking me in his arms. I press my hands against his chest, using all of my weak muscles to attempt to push him away. Jason didn't budge and he didn't take a hint.
I hear the gate swing open, I let out a whimper and continued to try to create space between us.
"Jason!" I hear Chris boom, he stomps towards us with a black haired male behind, but Chris doesn't notice. But I do, I instantly knew who it was.
My hearts twists and churns, why the hell would he follow me?
They reach us, Chris is furious and I can tell that Xacier's blood was boiling underneath his skin.
"What the fuck? Why is he out?" Jason exclaimed, holding me even tighter while I struggled in his hold some more.
Chris grabbed Jason, probably to furious to hear what he was saying as Xacier grabbed me. They pulled us apart, Chris was holding Jason's arm while Xacier completely devoured me in his hold.
I could feel the bewildered looks digging into us and my arms wrapped around Xacier. Now they both know something is up between Xacier and I.
Xacier's hold was tight, I could tell that he was very angry. He doesn't think I want Jason, does he? I leaned into his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart.
"Let's go..." I hear Chris grumble softly.
"No...! I'm not leaving with out Hikaru!" He seethed softly.
"Ja-" Chris said, about to yell at him before something stopped him. A uncomfortable silence fills the air, but Jason speaks up.
"Holy shit...he looks pissed..."
Xacier lifts me up, wrapping his arms around me as my legs wrap around his waist. I don't dare to take my head out of the crook of Xacier's neck, I don't want to see his angry gaze and I don't want him to see my cherry red face.
He walks quickly away, I can feel Chris's and Jason's eyes follow us.
"Do you think...?" Jason said softly, sounding absolutely crushed.
"There's no think about it Jason. I told you he was a waste of time." Chris said coldly, they continued to talk but I couldn't hear them anymore because Xacier trapped me in his room once more.