Lost Voice

The Past

[][ So this is kinda a long chapter, and a confusing one too. Ask me any thing you don't understand. Ah and this is the song I was listening to while typing this. Cardiac Arrest - Bad Suns][] 

 I run my fingers through his hair gently and watch him sleep so peacefully. The way his chest rises and falls, the way is eyebrow twitches, and the way his arms curl around me while he sleeps, everything is just so peaceful and heart warming. I smile softly and prop myself up before leaning over and kissing his forehead softly. My heart aches when just thinking about him, whether its about staying by his side forever or how disgusted he may act once he finds out that I'm in love with him. I would love to stay in his arms forever, is that possible? My eyes flutter close as I lay back down against the bed and snuggle into Xacier, pressing our foreheads together.

I really...really...

"I really love you." I whisper softly, a soft sigh escaping my lips before I open my eyes.

My heart stops instantly because all I see is that lovely shade of purple glimmering in the moonlight.

Oh no.

He's awake, and he's staring right at me. I've never felt so embarrassed or scared in my life, what if he found me disgusting? A guy loving another guy...it's unnatural. My throat became dry, and I felt as if I was suffocating. I have to leave, I can't stay here any longer. Quickly, I launch out of the bed and immediately run for the door. I can't believe this is happening, I'm so fucking stupid! I should have never said anything, I should have never gotten close to Xacier, I should have never fallen for a man.

Quick, heavy steps chase after me as thick heavy tears pour down my face. I kick his stupid door and swing it open before running out into the darkness, I continue to run, ignoring my fear of darkness and urge to run back to Xacier.

He never wants to see your face again, he doesn't love you. As soon as he gets you, he's going to reject you. Better run, little fag. My mind taunted me, I felt as if I am going insane. Then again, I already am insane.

I don't want to find out if he loves me or not. I don't want to face the reality, I don't want to be rejected by someone I love again. I am a coward, I will admit that. I am a stupid coward that doesn't deserve anything besides death. Break me, crush me, and kill me.

I dart across the street, lights swimming around me, and lights coming towards me until we collide and all the light disappears from my eyes.

Nothing but darkness surrounds me now, I can't see anything except those purple eyes from when I confessed, and that beautiful smile from when I grabbed onto the hem of his shirt. All I can see is Xacier, nothing more and nothing less.

But sounds surround me, a wail or an ambulance, the roar of a car, the muffled voices of strangers, the constant beeping of a monitor, footsteps going all over the place, and the urgency of the atmosphere.

I can feel too. The coldness of metal of something pressed against my chest, the numb pain, the soft blankets, the hands of strangers, a tube underneath my skin and down my throat, and the warm yet cold hand holding mine.

The only scent that fills my nose is the crisp cleanness of chemicals, and that lavender scent.

"Do you remember me?"  A thick accented voice asks me.

My eyes finally flutter open and I see a small boy sitting next to me, his black hair short and white dirty bandages wrapped around his eyes. He swings is feet and smiles at me, "I remember you, I will always remember you. Just please don't forget about me, Karu."