Lost Voice

Rejection

[][ SHORT CHAPTERRRRR ][]

"Xacier...do you.." I start, my voice much more hoarse and scratchy than before, "Do you love me?"

I don't know why I suddenly asked that, it was almost like I wanted to prove that stupid voice in my head wrong. And I deeply regret it. I really wish he could speak so he could just tell me off so I don't go around chasing him in circles. 

Xacier doesn't move, doesn't give me a sign. He doesn't do anything. 

Tears well up in my eyes, a rejection. I was rejected. That stupid voice was right. Xacier doesn't love me, and he never will.

I push him away and scramble out of the bathroom with a towel in my hand. I dart to his bedroom with wobbly legs and close the door shut before stealing some of his clothes and throwing myself in his bed. I know the reporters are still out there, and I will burst into tears on camera if they ask me a single question regarding to Xacier's and my relationship.

I'm so fucking stupid.

I know you are. Just kill yourself already.

I let out a small whimper and completely curl myself against the lavender smelling blankets. The bedroom door opens slowly with a creak and I can hear Xacier shuffling through his dressers for clothing. But after that the room goes silent, I know he's still here though I can practically feel his presence. I bet he probably wants me out of his bed, that he wants me out of his apartment and out of his life.

"I'll leave as soon as the reporters are gone." I say hoarsely, as a few tears slip through my eyelids. This rejection is unbearable. I want him to tell me to get lost and to never come back so I know for sure he doesn't want me, but I keep forgetting that he lost his voice. He lost his voice a long time ago.

I hear Xacier's soft yet heavy steps fade away and I start  to sob quietly into the sheets of the bed. He doesn't love me, he doesn't love me, the man I've ever come to love doesn't love me. I could feel my heart breaking and it's painful.

His footsteps come back, and  become louder as they approach me. His hand grabs my shoulder and I let out a slight whimper. Don't turn me around, I don't you to see me like this Xacier. It's pathetic.

Xacier gently turns me around, his hand cupping my cheek and his thumb wiped all my tears away.. I don't need to be teased like this, stop doing things that would make me think that you love me! 

Just as I was going to slap his hand away, he holds up a note that had his cursive hand writing on it. I pause a minute to focus on reading it, was this my rejection note? Was this my sign to leave and never come back?

My heart stops, and everything in me goes numb when I finished reading the note. Soon thick heavy tears roll down my face as I wail, I grip onto Xacier's shirt and hide myself in it.

No... I won't believe it.

Xacier runs his fingers along my hair before pressing me completely against the bed, pulling me close to his chest. He nuzzles into the top of my head, letting out as deep breath as his hands ran up and down my sides.

"I-I th-thought...." I mumbled out as I sobbed in his shirt.

Xacier shakes his head softly, pulling me out of his chest before kissing my lips softly.

He grabs the blankets and pulls it over us, causing the small note to flutter to the floor. The note reading; We promised to get married remember? I've always have and will love you.

It wasn't my rejection, instead it was my beginning.