The First Glader

Paralyzed

Newt got up sometime in the morning. I had my eyes closed, so I think he thought I was asleep. I wasn't though, I hadn't slept all night, and I don't think I will fall asleep anytime soon. I know I need it considering I haven't slept in a couple of nights, but I have nightmares. It's hard enough to close my eyes, but I figured I needed to at least pretend to sleep so Newt, Minho, and the others would have a somewhat typical day.

I was upset that Newt left me, but I got over it eventually. I felt more alone than ever, even though I'm almost sure he will be back soon, even if it's to check on me.

I was right. Newt came up and put a plate of food on the ground beside the bed. "Come on, love. You need to eat. I know you're awake. I know you have been for a couple of days. How could I not feel the tears slowly pooling on my chest? You may have kept your eyes closed and never made a sound, but your tears said a lot. I'm worried about you."

I didn't move or speak. I was lying on my side facing Newt. I opened my eyes, but I was staring straight ahead, not looking at anything in particular. Then my eyes shifted when I realized something. "You didn't sleep last night, did you? Don't even answer that. I know you didn't." I remember him rubbing my arm all night. He didn't stop once. He wasn't even thinking about how he would feel in the morning. His eyes were bloodshot, and the bags under his eyes were huge.

I can't imagine how I must look. I haven't slept in two days, and I've been crying almost non-stop. I must look horrible. "Millie, eat or sleep. It would help if you did something. Maybe even get up." I looked straight ahead again, I don't want to be like this, but I can't seem to shake myself out of it. Newt continued to say things, but I stopped listening. I just looked forward and played back the images of George. At some point, Newt left, but I didn't realize it at first. When I realized I got chills.

Though, I wasn't alone for long. Minho came in shortly after and started talking to me. Then he picked me up and carried me to my bed. I realized why he wanted me on my bed. It was so he could lay with me without feeling uncomfortable. I only knew this because he was climbing into the bed. He wrapped an arm around me and held my head close to his chest. That's when I started paying attention to what he was saying.

"Millie, I know you're sad, we all are, but this isn't your fault. I'll stay right here until you realize that. No matter how long it takes." He said, kissing my forehead after. I didn't move or say anything, and I couldn't even close my eyes at this point. I just stayed there motionless, almost like I was paralyzed.

We stayed like that for hours. Neither of us said or did anything, and the only movement happening between the two of us was me blinking and Minho rubbing the same spot on the middle of my back; that's how I knew he was still awake. We were there all night. I heard Newt come in at some point and go to bed. Minho stopped moving his thumb, so I figured he fell asleep too, but I was lying there.

Then it hit me, everything they were telling me. The thing that I thought about the most was the fact that I'm their leader. And that I have new greenies coming in tomorrow. I carefully got up and out of bed. I made sure not to wake Minho, but he's a heavy sleeper. It was Newt I was worried about.

At this point, I knew where all of the creeks were on the floor, so I managed to avoid them. Newt kept the door open when he slept, so I didn't have to worry about that either. I walked down the stairs carefully, went to the little storage hut we built not too long ago and grabbed a shovel. Thankfully they sent one up with me. It's a big shovel, so it's not the best for gardening, but I made it work when I first got here.

I took the shovel into the woods and looked for George. When I found him, the sheet was over his head again. I continued the hole that I started digging with my hands. I made more progress than I thought. I got maybe a foot into the ground. I dug a hole about five or six feet down and made sure it was long enough for George to fit in straight. No matter how much it hurt, I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't want a Greenie to wander in the woods one day and stumble upon a body.