What If... You Were Adopted By Ava Max

Suicide

Author's note: This is an introduction. This chapter will be about your life and your backstory. It's short but the next chapters will be longer and will have more interesting things ;)

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My mom died when she gave birth to me and my dad died in a car accident while I was home with my nanny. When they called home to share the news with my nanny, she had a heart attack leaving me alone in the living room trying to bring my dear nanny back to life. We had shared so many memories. My dad was really busy and I had spent more than half my life with my nanny Nina. Seeing her die in front of me left a permanent scar on my heart. All of that happened when I was five.

Now, ten years later, I'm fifteen and I live in an adoption centre. A lot of people adopted me but then changed their mind and returned me like a product to a shop. Whenever I was away, my emotions would take control and Nina's ghost would haunt me in my dreams at night. Everyone was scared of me. I'm broken...

I'm almost a worker here. I try to help with everything I can so people see that I'm helpful and adopt me but it's like everyone knows about my flaws so every night, I cry myself to sleep. I will never know how the love of a mother feels like and thinking of that I felt so miserable.

My dad never showed me love. He thought it was my fault that mom was dead. I understood that he needed someone to blame and I let him punish me everyday so he could feel better. He would beat me up and scream 'It's your fault! Only yours! She is dead now!' while I held back my whimpers and tears.

When he died, I only shed one tear. I loved him but he didn't treat me right. Maybe he loved me too but he never pronounced those three special words...

All the children in the adoption centre were 'homeschooled'. We had a classroom in the adoption centre where they educated us. Our teacher wasn't the nicest in the world but she always found a way to make everything sound interesting. I loved to learn new things but new kids started arriving and older kids were adopted so the lessons started to repeat themselves.

I was tired of having the same lessons and exams over and over again. The last five years or so my report cards had been the same: straight As.

I was the oldest kid in the center and nobody wanted to talk to me. I was the 'weird older kid'. The only way to cheer me up was listening to Ava Max music. Her music was so upbeat and her anthems would motivate me a lot. When I listened to her music, I would close my eyes and just imagine. My heart would beat at the same beat of the music, the world would disappear and it would be just Ava and me singing and dancing to the anthemic songs.

I sometimes ran away to ask for money to the people around the town and when I finally could afford them, I bought a pair of cheap but good earphones with a wire that I could hide under my shirt. Now I could listen to Ava's music without anyone realizing. I would listen to her music even in class. I already knew everything so there was no harm in listening to it and not paying attention.

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There was a special event today. A bunch of wannabe parents would come and see us doing what we did on a normal day and at the end of the day they would choose someone to adopt or refuse to adopt any of us.

They came early in the morning because I saw a line of people coming towards the window while I listened to music. I took my bag with notebooks and my pencil case and went downstairs with the rest of the kids. I hid my headphones in my pocket to then listen to music in class and stood in the front hall like they told us. I was in a corner so they didn't see me too well. I already knew that no one would adopt me so I decided to just look at them. They were just regular couples. There were about eight twenty something years old couples and some single women and men who wanted a child.

Everyone looked similar and after we all said 'Welcome to our adoption centre!' We were allowed to enter the class. All the adults stayed by the door while we sat on our chairs and took our notebooks out. I took my headphones and put some Ava Max music at max volume so I could be 'alone' while I wrote songs putting all my feelings in my notebook. I wrote when I felt sad and lonely and that was almost everyday. I was lost in the So Am I song and I didn't realize the teacher was calling my name. She came to me, took my phone out of my pocket and before I could say or do anything, she pulled the headphones out of my phone. So Am I continued playing and all the class, adults and the teacher could hear it.

... like a misfit?

Everything inside you is dark and twisted

Oh, but it's okay to be different

'Cause baby, so am I!

I took my phone back and turned it off. The whole class was looking at the corner in the back of the class. Me.

'Go back to your room! Don't get out of there until someone goes there to talk about behavior with you' said the teacher.

I sighed, took my things and went back to my room. I sat by the window and played music by Ava. I looked down. It was very high and falling would kill me for sure.

Heartbreak, heartbreak is a m***********

Lay low, lay low, that's how they tell you to

Let go, letting go went out the window...

I took a deep breath and opened the window. I sat on the border and sighed. I had no one to love me and now the whole adoption center and the adults discovered what I had been doing. Nothing mattered anymore. I wasn't going to be adopted by anyone and I would probably die alone in the center. But why not now? I could end all the suffering sliding forward an inch more. A tear ran through my face and fell to the ground where I would land. I sighed and leaned over. The only thing stopping me from falling were my hands that were holding the corners of the window. Another tear fell, and another, and another. Every tear I shed, fell to the ground that would be my death bed.

Author's note: If you are having this kind of thoughts, don't do it. A lot of people care about you and love you.
I love you
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