The Fear of Falling

Chapter Five

The day after our make-out session, Gavin made himself scarce. The boxes, like he promised, were gone when I woke up in the morning.

Now, the giant vacant space only served as a reminder of what I'd done.

I dragged myself through the day with Gavin, and that kiss, lodged in the back of my mind.

Then, later that night, he walked past me in the kitchen without a word.

I couldn't blame him.

After a day full of silence, I prepared myself for the class from hell. Gavin would continue giving me the silent treatment and I would be forced to share the same air with him.

When I walked into the darkroom, foregoing my usual heels for something far more subtle, Gavin was already at one of the many enlargers.

He pretended to be occupied until the rest of the class began to enter. Then, all of a sudden, he was downright chipper. By the time Professor Dames graced us with his presence, Gavin was fully invested in my classmates' story about her painfully embarrassing 'first time'.

I rolled my eyes and fought the urge to lunge for her throat. What is this, jealousy?

Gross.

I shrugged it off and forced myself to pay attention to Dames' instructions. This time, I wasn't painfully lost and managed to gather my materials on my own.

Back at my station, I turned to see Gavin paying special attention to the girl to my left; I suppressed the sick feeling building in the back of my throat.

After all, I was the one who ended the kiss. I was the one who used him. I blinked at the realization as the lights flickered off.

Darkness.

I stared at his silhouette; regret piled on top of my chest until it felt impossible to breathe. What have I done?

I diverted my attention to the project all while my heart thrummed with anxiety. I laid my objects on the table in front of me and attempted to arrange them in a pleasing way. The rose-gold necklace that my mother bought me for my high school graduation draped delicately over a copy of the first novel I read on my own: The Hobbit.

Then, as professor Dames had explained, I set the timer on the enlarger and stepped on the foot pedal to expose the photo paper underneath my objects.

My confidence flooded back once I dropped my photogram into the vat of developer and an image appeared, unlike the last class period where all I got was blurred images of my hand.

Although I took the win, catching glimpses of Gavin moving around the room filled me with dread.

The more I remember the kiss, the more I sobered up to reality. I'm a bitch.

By the time class ended, I had five images for the upcoming critique and a shit-ton of remorse lingering in the back of my mind. My classmates wandered out of the darkroom, followed by professor Dames.

He announced that he was late to his other class and subsequently, reminded me of the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.

After they left, I disappeared into my thoughts again. Meanwhile, Gavin sorted through the chemicals and began replenishing them.

I stifled a groan. I lived with the guy; what was I supposed to do, ignore him?

He rolled up his dark-green shirt, which appeared black in the darkroom, and dumped the remaining developer down the drain. Tattoos ran down his arm and stopped abruptly at his wrists; I need to say something.