The Fear of Falling

Chapter Eight

I woke up to the smell of bacon and a smile on my face. Gavin was a man of his word; I wasn't surprised.

Sunlight streamed into my room and stirred me out of bed. It was Saturday, finally, and I had nothing better to do than lounge around and do some light reading on deviant behavior.

That is after I ate breakfast.

I stumbled into my bathroom and tied my hair out of my face before brushing my teeth. Afterward, I glanced at myself in the mirror and for a moment, wondered if I dreamt the night before.

Gavin's dark eyes, my lack of inhibitions, and the bet.

If I needed any more proof than the love-bite he left on my hip, I got it as soon as I opened my bedroom door.

There he was, fully clothed, flipping pancakes.

I was pleasantly surprised.

Jade and Sarah would screech at the news. The tables had turned and I, for once, didn't regret giving a man a blow job.

It took Gavin a few minutes to notice me but when he did, he smiled.

"Good morning," He tilted his head in that endearing way he always did and I throbbed.

Fuck, was coming once not enough? I straightened my posture and pressed my thighs together.

Maybe I'd find a use for the toys after all.

"Morning," I walked towards him, careful not to turn myself on more than I already had. I glanced at the clock, ten twenty-one and I'm horny.

God, I needed to get a grip.

Before I could combust, Gavin slid a stack of pancakes over the counter.

I stared at them, "Blueberry,"

"Just like you commanded, your highness," His snarkiness was growing on me, almost. It helped when there was a delicious plate of flapjacks resting in front of me.

"And you just happened to have blueberries?" I had seen the inside of our fridge many times, and I didn't remember seeing any fruit, let alone my favorite.

Gavin picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite, "There's this new thing that opened up down the street, it's called a store,"

I feigned awe, "Oh my god, tell me about this modern marvel."

"Maybe when you're older," He winked and surrendered the bacon to me, "In the meantime, here are your winning spoils."

"Why thank you," I wished for a barstool, or anything, to sit down on and enjoy my celebratory breakfast. Alas, it'd be floor eating for me until my next paycheck hit.

Gavin nodded, "Of course, enjoy it while it lasts,"

I stopped, just shy of shoveling my first bite of victory pancakes into my mouth, "What?"

"Nothing," He shrugged while wiping off his hands with a dish towel, "Just enjoy,"

I frowned and watched him walk out of the kitchen with a smug look on his face. God, what is he planning?

Suddenly, the pancakes seemed more like a warning than a reward.

No, I wouldn't let him ruin my morning. I carted my scrumptious breakfast into my room and ate, safely, at my desk.

Meanwhile, I could hear Gavin's music blasting through the walls. I rolled my eyes and decided to try to be the bigger man and ignore it.

I dug out my laptop and settled in for a long reading session.

****

After two hours of trying to read with Trapt and Finger Eleven blaring, I gave up.

He was being obnoxious on purpose, he had to be. But why?

I tapped my pen on the desk and mulled over my next move. What was this, chess?

I glanced at the business card lying face down on my desk but shrugged off the idea.

No, I'd try to be civilized first. Having a conversation.

I cleared my throat and went to his bedroom door; I didn't give myself time to reconsider before knocking.

The music stopped, finally, and Gavin appeared. His tousled hair and stained white shirt sent my mind reeling. Streaks of golden paint were smeared on his neck and jawline.

He had been working on something, no doubt, but that didn't mean he could be inconsiderate.

"Yes?" He grinned as if he didn't know why I was there.

"Can you lower your music?"

"Why would I do that?"

I sighed, so he was going to be difficult, "Because I asked nicely,"

Gavin nodded, "I'll make you a deal,"

Not this.

"I'll turn down my music if you give me Wade's card."

I narrowed my eyes, "You don't have his number?"

"Of course I do, he's in my frat,"

"Which is weird, by the way," I said with my arms crossed, "You're a grad student. Why are you in a frat?"

"I'm an alum,"

"Weird."

Gavin rolled his eyes, "I didn't ask for your opinion,"

"No, just for Wade's phone number,"

He threw his hands up as if I was the impossible one, "Fine, I take it back. Why don't you call him?"

"Maybe I will."

Good." He shut his door inches from my face and cranked up the music.

Fuck him.

The short march to my room only fueled the growing frustration inside of me. I swiped the card off of my desk and typed it into my phone.

My mom would tell me that I was acting rash and should sit, breathe, before making a decision.

But then again, she had never met Gavin; she didn't know how he burrowed underneath my skin.

The phone rang and sooner rather than later, I would have to act interested in going out with Wade. Gavin's music left little room to think and by the time I decided to hang up, Wade answered.

"Hello?" His voice was rough as if he had just managed to wake up. I glanced at the clock; twelve fifty-six. Impressive.

"Hey," I suddenly felt awkward talking to a total stranger over the phone.

"Hello?" He asked again, "Yo, I can't hear you. Are you at a party?"

Just my luck. "Hey, Wade. This is Meg from last night," I raised my voice over the music.

"Oh, yeah. You're the babe that lives with G-man," G-man? Gag me.

"In the flesh," I forced laughter, why was I subjecting myself to this again? "I was wonder if I could take you up on your offer,"

He paused and I continued, "The party."

Finally, he understood, "Hell yeah, you can. It's gonna be a rager. Want me to pick you up?"

I frowned at the idea of walking across town with him, "No, thanks. I can find my way."

"Sweet. It's at eight," He said, "Oh, and tell Gavin not to forget the chips."

I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of I'm not a fucking pigeon but Wade had decided that our conversation was over.

The dial tone echoed into my ear and my shoulders dropped. My first greek-life party and I was going with a complete stranger; I loathed myself.

When I calmed my nerves moments later, my mind started asking crucial questions. What the hell am I going to wear? Should I tell my mom in case I mysteriously go missing? Do I have shoes to match my red dress?

I couldn't tell my mom; she would worry about me all night. After a brief moment, I knew exactly who to call.

I tapped her contact in my phone and listened to the phone ringing. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

"Hey," Thea's typically pleasant voice sounded strained and tired.

"Hey," I frowned, "I don't mean this in a mean way but, are you alright?"

There was a sniffle and then, "Yeah, sorry. You know how it gets with Dad sometimes."

"Want to tell me about it?" Thea had been my friend for so long that I didn't even remember what life without her was like.

"Not yet," She cleared her throat, "So, what's up?"

After hearing her cry, suddenly my problems felt irrelevant. "Nothing,"

"Oh come on," I could see her rolling her eyes at me, "Spill it,"

I flopped onto my bed and for once was glad that Gavin's music blared through the apartment.

"Alright," I spoke as loud as I could without my nosy neighbor hearing me, "You know how a boy was assigned to live with me?"

Thea cackled, "Yeah, don't tell me you fucked him already."

The silence on my end was too telling.

"Wait, you didn't, right?" Her voice was riddled with concern. She wasn't a prude but she also knew that I had only ever slept with one man; our relationship was catastrophic.

"No," I yanked my response out of my throat and forced myself to fess up. All at once, regret fell from the sky and slammed into my chest. "I think I want to though."

I imagined her blinking, staring at the phone as if it was me. "Jesus, how hot is he?"

"Remember Aaron Rine?"

"Yeah, basically a greek god," I heard something crunch; clearly, she had grabbed a snack.

"Well, Gavin looks like him but with tattoos and a pretty face."

She sucked in a breath, "Fuck."

"Exactly," I said, relieved that she understood the dire level of horny that I was rapidly approaching, "He's hot but so snarky,"

"I mean-"

"No, that is not a good thing."

"Right," She sounded unconvinced, "So what's the issue?"

I hesitated to confess my most recent sins but eventually, I caved. "We've been, kinda, like-"

"Meg."

"I sucked his dick."

Once the worst part was out in the open, the rest fell out of my mouth with no resistance. Thea listened intently, only interrupting to clarify a couple of details.

"On the counter?"

"Yes."

Then, "The red panties?"

"Uh huh."

By the time I had finished my tale, she was quiet. Too quiet.

I groaned and rolled into my pillows, "Don't judge,"

"I'm not," Her sincerity was refreshing, "I just don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Have you had a crush on him since you met him?"

I stared at the ceiling, "I'm not sure."

"It sounds like you have,"

I ran my fingers through my hair, "It's just complicated."

She hummed, "Right, well, my professional diagnosis is that you have a crush." What are we twelve?

It was my turn to be silent. Did I have a crush on the moody boy next door? Perhaps.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Just try getting to know him, dude. Do you know anything about him other than his dick size?"

"I do."

"Like what, how his cum tastes?" I knew she was being sarcastic but I wasn't ready to back down.

"Actually, yes. It's surprisingly neutral."

"Seriously?"

I grinned at the disgust in her voice.

"How about you figure out what his favorite color is before riding him."

I nodded to myself, "Fine, I can ask at the party tonight."

Thea groaned, "Absolutely do not go near him. Frat parties are where all common sense goes to die."

"Cross my heart."

When that was settled, Thea paused. "Wait, what are you going to wear?"


****

After debating for an hour, we agreed on jeans and a blouse with a plunging neckline. One steamy shower and several hours spent giving myself a mental pep-talk later, I stood in front of the mirror.

Thea had insisted on eyeliner and half-a-dozen silver rings adorning my fingers; her trademark. I marveled at the garnet stone on my ring finger and considered making it my own personal hallmark.

My nerves churned as I turned my attention to my watch; seven forty-two already. There was no more time to second-guess myself.

I smoothed my wine red blouse and tossed caution to the wind; but still packed bear spray into my matching purse. Just in case.

By the time I walked out of my bedroom door, the rest of the apartment appeared to be vacant. Gavin's personal concert ended hours after I got off the phone with Thea and shortly after, I heard the front door shut. I assumed that Mister Alum was called over early to help set up.

Good for him.

Meanwhile, I had been trying to talk myself off an emotional ledge.

Before I could regress into my pajamas, I stepped out of my comfort zone and started the walk to the Alpha Xi frat house.

It took me thirteen minutes, four almost-decisions to turn back, and two wishes for a Xanax to make it to my destination. I stared at the large brick building with disgust. Dozens of co-eds littered on the lawn while simultaneously stumbling across the property.

I fought the urge to crawl under a rock and pushed myself forward.

The walk to the front porch felt more like a slow march to judgment day. Invasive stares followed my every step and I accelerated my pace. Suddenly, I regretted my wardrobe choice.

Go to the party with your tits out, Meg. That's a great idea, Meg.

I was my own worst enemy.

By the time I made it to the door, I was contemplating all of my life decisions. Regardless, I stepped inside.

Lights flashed around me as I waded through the crowd; the soles of my shoes stuck to the grimy floors. I didn't even want to know why. Instead, I searched for my so-called date.

The frat house was everything I was warned that it would be, even by Thea. The air smelled like mold and I was bumped into every five seconds. Alpha Xi members strutted through the house as if it was their kingdom and everyone else were mere commoners.

I rolled my eyes at their antics and began to wonder why I bothered showing up. After all, Wade was nowhere to be found even after I texted him.

It wasn't until a cold-realization splash down the front of my shirt that accepted what a colossal mistake I had made.

"Oh, shit. My bad," One of the frat bros rattled off a half-assed apology while I fought the urge to dab the beer stain out of my shirt. It was a goner, I knew that, and yet, I still stood there completely dumbfounded.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, like "it's fine" but instead, I stared at the giant in front of me.

Just before I stuttered out a response, someone stepped in.

"Hey," The giant's drink sloshed over the rim of his red solo-cup. I was drowning in stereotypes.

I followed his gaze to the man standing in front of us. God.

Gavin glanced between me and my drenched shirt before flashing a grin to his frat brother. "Hey, man. How have you been?"

"Oh you know," The giant shrugged, "Chemistry is killing me."

"Tell me about it," Gavin's eyes lingered on me. "Have you met, Meg?"

"I think I just splashed her, actually."

Just splashed? I swallowed down my frustration and plastered a smile on my face. "Nice to meet you,"

"You too," he turned his attention back to Gavin, "Have you heard about Mac?"

Gavin's smile tightened, "Yeah, Brad mentioned it."

"Crazy right?"

The stiff nod that followed told me that whoever Mac was, Gavin had no interest in discussing them.
After half-a-second of silence, the giant got the message, "Right, well, nice to meet you, Meg." He tipped his cup towards me and then disappeared into the crowd.

I watched the students around me flail to the beat of an incomprehensible pop song.
Unwilling to witness the disaster any longer, I returned my focus to Gavin. He leaned on the walls, plastered top to bottom with posters.

"Who's Mac?" I asked.

Gavin frowned, "Where's Wade?" His slurred voice told me that he had already taken one too many blowjob shots.

Touché. I shrugged, unwilling to let him get underneath my skin. "Your guess
is as good as mine."

He tapped his chin, "My guess? He's still with Gemma."

The party roared around us as I digested his snide comment. My beer-drenched shirt clung to my skin and furthered my hesitation to respond. I was irritated and reasonably irrational.

Even as an asshole, his eyes sparkled and dared me to start round four of our little war.

The tension passed but the longer I stood there the more idiotic I felt. "Right."

After I croaked out my response, I decided that our brief conversation needed to be over. I pushed past his royal cockiness and he didn't stop me.

Good.

The hall was lined with couples tongue-fucking each other against the walls, unaware that PDA was generally frowned upon; plaques shook as if we were in the middle of an earthquake.

I refused to let my mind wander. Thea was right; I didn't even know him. So why was I imagining him pinning me against the hook up wall?

Jesus, focus.

I wandered around the house, hoping to reset my malfunctioning brain but instead found my so-called 'date'. Wade wandered aimlessly around the massacred kitchen with a cup in his hand. By the time he spotted me, I was already turning on my heel.

He blinked, "Meg?"

I sighed, not interested in hashing out my most recent abandonment, but responded anyway, "Yes, Wade?"

He stared at me, as if confused, then his eyes widened, "Oh my God, what time is it?"

Oh please.

"Almost nine,"

Wade pressed his hand to his forehead, "I am so sorry. Some of the guys suggested we
pregame and then."

His explanation stopped, "I must have lost track of time."

I frowned, "Doing what?" Gemma? I pushed Gavin's voice out of my head.

"We were pregaming and then-" Wade's face paled like he'd seen a ghost, "Shit."

As soon as he appeared, he was gone.

Wade scurried off into the crowd and left me alone, again, I mourned the quiet night at home that I could have had.

Then, a familiar voice pulled me out of my self-loathing, "Hey," Fiona wobbled over to me. "You're that girl," She paused as if she couldn't decide where she knew me from.

Her thick hair was piled into a bun so messy that it wasn't cute anymore, meanwhile, the remnants of her mascara was smeared around her eyes.

Rough night.

I sighed, "Meg."

"Meg!" She snapped her fingers, "You live with Gavin."

"Guilty."

"Are you guys," She leaned in and the stench of vodka wafted over me, "here together?"

I fought the urge to recoil and shook my head, maybe too fast, "Wade invited me."

Fiona's eyes widened, "What?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, "I mean, I've hardly seen him bu-"

"Oh, right," She sucked in a breath, "He's probably still in the closet."

I blinked, "I'm sorry, what?"

He's gay? Well, that explains the overcompensation.

"Yeah, Landon said something about hazing,"

Wait, what, "They actually put him in a closet?"


Fiona shrugged, "You want another drink?" She didn't wait for my answer before traipsing out of the kitchen.

Gone girl, much?

I stood there, overwhelmed by my surroundings and unwilling to wait for the next rogue couple to wander into the kitchen in search of free counter space.

The patio door was smudged and nearly blocked by a rogue breakfast table but I managed to squeeze past.

Once I stepped outside, I shuddered from the chill in the air. The dropping temperature made my damp blouse stick to my skin.

I'd kill for a hot chocolate.

My heels clicked against the concrete slab that the frat boys called a patio as I stared over the nearly barren yard.

Dying bushes framed the rotting fence and created a hedge; piles of empty beer cans were strewn over the grass and I groaned at the sight.

Then, my attention shifted to the back corner of the yard. Tucked behind the interlocking trees, there was a trampoline.

My eyes widened; no way. I glanced through the patio door. When I was satisfied that no one would follow me, I made a bee-line for the trampoline.

Memories of sticky Florida summers flooded into my mind and pushed my feet to move faster. I could smell the smoke from my father's grill as I jumped twenty-feet away; I bounced and laughed and flipped until the stars were visible.

I wobbled on one foot as I removed one shoe and then the other. Then, I was free.

Unlike my childhood trampoline, provided by my doting parents, this one lacked a net or even a cover for the springs. The absence of those safety features made my climb much slower.

When I had avoided pinching a finger, thigh, or shin, I crawled to the center of the trampoline and fell onto my back.

The breeze whipped around me as I marveled at the night sky. It had been years since I allowed myself to stargaze.

Maybe since before I dated Hunter.

I wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case. For the two years, I had very little time to do anything but eat, sleep, do homework, and be a perfect girlfriend to a man who never loved me anyway.

I sighed and searched for Venus glowing alongside the stars. Before I could succeed, someone cleared their throat. I peered over my feet and there was Gavin, all high-and-mighty, with tousled hair and an easy grin.

"Hey,"

Kill me. "What now, come to tell me that Wade is handing out a punch card for blowjobs?"

Gavin snickered, "I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor."

I rolled my eyes and laid back, hoping he would give up on our conversation and leave me to my own devices.

Instead, he was relentless, "I'm sorry about earlier," he paused, "It-I was rude."

Was that an apology?

Before I could process, the trampoline shifted underneath me. No. I glanced up in enough time to see Gavin swinging his legs over the springs and hopping.

I bounced two feet into the air and landed enraged.

"What the fuck," I swore as I struggled to stabilize myself; Gavin showed me no mercy and continued to jump as hard as humanly possible.

When I made it to my knees, he fell with all of his body weight and sent me scrambling for a final time.

"Hey!" I glared at Gavin with half-a-mind to lecture him. But then, he started to laugh. I stared at him, bewildered by his behavior and infectious smile. In spite of myself, I joined him.

It started with a chuckle and then, we were on our backs in side-splitting laughter.

I wiped stray tears from my eyes as the laughter subsided. Once again, it was quiet. Until, "Have you ever played popcorn?" Gavin's voice was hoarse and somehow managed to be sexier than ever.

"I think we just did," I smiled at the memory of trying to "pop" Thea on the trampoline. I never did manage to beat her.

We laid there, inches away, with idiotic grins plastered onto our faces. Then, the breeze returned with a vengeance and my nipples gave me away.

"Cold?" Gavin asked.

"Shut up."

I picked out the constellations in the night sky and considered telling him all about my childhood trips to the observatory. Later.

But for now, I turned onto my side and asked, "What's your favorite color?"

****Hope you enjoyed! Please vote and comment your thoughts so far!

XOXO, 

JD