VLOGS

Vlog #107 | unstable

Scarlett pov

i was just watching y/n play the piano while I'm sitting beside her and rose is sitting on top of it

"and if i can't be close to you...please settle for the ghost of me... I'll miss you more than life....more than life" she sang changing the lyrics making me look at her frowning my brows and she just chuckled kissing my cheeks playfully

she then started another song changing the tone

"I've been watchin' you for some time
Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes.." she sang closing her eyes and i just stare at her as she say every word with all her heart

"Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes
Your ocean eyes..." she continued

the thing is....she wrote this song for billie....

i know even if she married me, even if we have kids, even if she shows how much she love me..... Billie still has a space in her heart that no one can erase..not even me

"No fair
You really know how to make me cry
When you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Fallin' into your ocean eyes
Those ocean eyes"

rose is just quietly listening to her Tilting her head

"I've been walkin' through a world gone blind
Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind
Careful creature made friends with time
He left her lonely with a diamond mind
And those ocean ey---" she suddenly cut her self noticing tears dropping from her eyes

"sorry... that's so insensitive" she huff holding my hand

"don't worry, i understand"

she suddenly get her fingers back at the piano but this time she's not using it and she looks like she's really scared

"hey...y/n..are you ok bubs?"

""r-red whats happening?" she asked panicking and i just nodded at the nany signaling her to get rose

"hey look at me....tell me what's wrong"

"i was just playing that instrument.....now i don't know how..i f-forgot how i did it..R-RED WHATS HAPPENING???!!" she shouted panicking as rose hugged the nanny tightly looking really scared at y/n

"calm down..... breathe, that's normal.. believe me. t-that happens to... anyone" i sigh trying to hug her but she pushed me away harshly and stood up running to our room

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"so y/n is sleeping now.." i sigh filming my self

i suddenly burst into tears covering my mouth to not make any noise that could possibly wake her up

i run my way downstairs and just go outside in the pool to cry put Loud

"s-she looks so tired...i just can't handle seeing her like that" i sob covering my face

"i genuinely want her to stay with me but at the same time i know that's just putting her in more pain..."

I'm filming my self because i don't know where to rant and release what i feel to at least lessen the hurtful feelings on my heart

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"red? can you please get me a glass of water?" y/n asked and i immediately did and get get what she needed before Sitting back on our chairs

we're just watching rose play with her friends that she invited over

"that smile...." y/n mumbled smiling looking at rose

"red? can i be honest with you and you won't make any reactions?"

"what do you mean?"

she put her water down and just hold hand squeezing it being reassuring

"i know she's not mine..." she mumbled

i just look at her scared but she gave me a smile and kissed my hand

"doc texted me as soon as we did that procedure...she says i can't reproduce through my bone marrow and it will only work if we're gonna be patient and do it the natural way" she sigh while I'm just looking at her with tears falling down mh cheeks

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry" i begged sobbing kissing her hand while sniffing

" don't cry...that kid is the best thing that happened in my life..you have no idea how thankful i am to be called as her mama and give her everything i can give her"

"w-why are you just telling this to me now?" i asked still crying my eyes out

"i figured out you're too embarrassed to admit it to me...i don't want you to feel that way"

"y/n.."

"Don't worry...i have no regrets"

"thankyou...thankyou for loving her"

"mine or not she's still your daughter...and i love everything and everyone you love with all my heart.. specially little cacti" she chuckled looking at rose laughing along with her friends

"protect that kid at all cost when i can't anymore" she mumbled looking at me with a smile while caressing my hand squeezing it occasionally to comfort me

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"no....kill me now but I'm not gonna shave my head" y/n insist while I'm holding a shaving razor recommended by the doctors because of the therapy

"bubs c'mon"

"Scarlett nooo i will look like a hard boiled egg, besides if I'm gonna die..i wanna die hot"

"y/n I'm serious"

"so am i"

"bubs c'mon.....we don't need to argue over this..just obey what the doctor says"

"my body my choice"

"what you just don't care about us??? you don't care if you fucking die and leave us?? all you care about is how the fuck you look???" i asked pissed, already exhausted

"why?.....are you tired of me?" she asked looking directly at my eyes

"of course not... I'll never get tired of you, so please....do this for me, do this for rose...y/n.."

"sorry, but..no"

"what if... I'll also shave my head?" i asked hesitantly trying to give her courage while sitting on her lap straddling her

"what?!! hell nah, don't do that shit to yourself we're not in a dramatic movie for you to sacrifice such things"

"OK SO DO IT ALREADY"

"scar just respect my decision"

"ok but don't talk to me" i huff getting off her and just walked away

"red!!!! AW C'MON!"

"ok fine I'll do it" she mumbled and i smiled to my self getting back at her

"can we just shave the hair on my uhmmm there..and not on my head?" she asked looking down at her bottom making me chuckle

"that big guys is not hairy"

"eh? check it for your self" she mumbled casually pulling her boxers showing me her length

"i can't see any existance of hair.."

"that's coz I'm hot" she stated wiggling her brows playfully

"shut up, ok you ready?" i asked and she actually looks nervous

"can you like...maybe ride me while doing it?"

"Noo, stopp" i wheez hitting her arm lightly