Chapter Twenty

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I make my way up the spiral staircase, I hadn't seen in so long.

I let out a huge sigh, taking the last steps and praying to God I would be meeting this one certain person here.

And there he is. Sitting against the cold stone wall, like we had done that day. Now he's sitting all by himself, looking up the stars and stargazing peaceful.

He swings his head into my direction.
I smile. He smiles back trough his glasses.
I follow to the place he gestures me to sit at and so I do. He lifts his head upward. I copy him, and once again feel peace at the view.

"Hey, Harry" I whisper and cross my arms in front of my chest. "Hey" He breathes.

Ten minutes it must have been. Ten minutes of me still not getting the courage to eventually open my mouth. To begin talking, as I should.
As I came here for, having hoped to find Harry here the whole time.

"Harry?" He after what feels like an eternity sinks his head down to my level.
I don't want to be that person. But I will not get any form of peace without getting done with this.

"Harry, I'm afraid I can't go to the ball with you"

A few seconds later, he does something I'd rather not have expected.

He closes his eyes and smiles. Then he turns back towards the night again, as If I hadn't said a thing.

"I'm truly sorry. I really am."
"Don't apologise" He then tells me.

"You know" He sighs "I'd figured. I'd already assumed this silence between you and Draco being because of me. I wasn't quite sure...now I am."

"You know about us not talking anymore?"
"Everyone does, Evie"

Right.

"I'm sorry for people not having anything better to do." I hear genuine truth out of his words.

"What does he think is going on between us?" "I don't exactly know."

"I'm sorry for bringing you into all of this. This thing between me and Draco-"

"It's okay. Don't explain yourself."

"You know..." I finally fully loosen up.
"...I just don't understand it. One second he doesn't want me to be around you and in the next he asks Astoria Greengrass of all, to be his date."

"That's what he did?" Harry inspects me.

I bury my face in my hands. "God, this is all so confusing. Yes, that's what he did. And then there's this part inside of me..."

"What part?"
"What? I-"  I think. I think and start feeling all the things I had before I came to conclusion in coming up here. In conclusion of realising Harry and I would never be a thing. Ever. Because he wasn't the one I wanted. Not ever. And certainly not now.

"This deep pit in my stomach, Harry." And when I begin talking, I don't seem to be able to stop any time soon.

"This weird feeling. It- It feels like it's setting my entire body on fire, whenever I think of him. I feel anger, Harry. Anger towards Draco. I feel... I feel empty but alive at once when I see him.

It's so fucking ridiculous, but it feels like my entire body longs for him. It hurts, Harry. It hurts so damn much and I don't know what to do with it. Whenever he smiles at me... God, I just want to touch his sweet dimple. And in the other, all I want is to kiss it. I just want to kiss it, Harry. Don't you hear me? I want to kiss it. Only thinking about kissing it makes my stomach hurt.

It burns, Harry. It aches but then it feels beautiful. It makes me so sick. It makes me want to throw up and then dance and jump around at once. That doesn't even make any sense?! And then there were these moments, my eyes just wanted nothing more than to wander down to his lips. God, Harry, his lips."

I throw my head back. I don't even know why I am telling him this. After bottling up the emotions for such a long time, it doesn't seem to stop flowing.

"He's so fucking beautiful and I just long to cry when I see him, because he looks like an fucking angel. He looks like some angel, but then makes me feel like hell is loose inside me. What is that, Harry? What is it and when will it finally stop? When? I-I can't do this anymore.
Sometimes I just want to grab his face and kiss him. I want to kiss him, Harry. More than anything and I don't understand why!

It makes me happy, but then it makes me sad. It makes me feel fucking angry, but then fucking jealous of Astoria, which I don't even get, because, why would I even-"

"Because you love him."

I rip my head up. I rip my head up so fast.
And then Harry's face greets me.

"What?"
"You love him, Evie. You love him so bad."

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