Chapter 9 - I Can't

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OK I'm gonna be serious here. I'm not gonna be SpongeBob alright? I'm a sarcastic, mean piece of shit child and I don't care just how capable you are of killing me, I have anxiety speaking to people and will hold back tears if you tell at me. I am NOT made for negotiating, the only person y negotiate with are 2D characters and people that I pretend having an argument with in the comfort of my house and then be afraid with the presence when I'm face to face. So no brain, I cannot talk to an assassin robot, sorry, I guess I lived quite a lot already, I'm dead, aw sucks to be me I guess.
Now, for serious, either I write him a letter or I die 'cause I will fade if I need to talk to him from sheer stage fright.

I am being realistic here, jokes out. My life is at stake and I can't do much about it, just thinking about meeting Moon agin gives me a running out breath sensation along with some pain chest so yeah. I am looking forward to the letter. That or escaping and running from him again.

"Hey Sunshine! I'm already heading towards there!" Sun chimed through the watch, already? That was quick. I don't know how much time he spent away but it felt like 5 minutes.

"Cool" I'm not telling Sun about me changing the plan because I know that he won't understand and give me some motivational phrases like I haven't heard them before and will change my entire point of view and personality. I don't take it personal, I think it's beyond his mind set to assimilate that people have those problems and they're not exactly easy to solve, but I don't blame him, it's like explaining a 5 year old what depression feels like, Christ, even adults can't understand what depression feels like, you can't imagine a problem that is not happening to you, physical, mental, anything truly, everyone's different, and if humans of the same age can't even begin to imagine what they feel like a robot won't understand a child by far. I could be a philosopher.

"Tell me, did you think of something like I told you?" He interrupted my existencial crisis

"Ah, oh yeah, it's really hard."

"Great! I'll have something to think about on the way" He added cheerfully

"Sure, whatever floats your boat. I spy with my little eye something begging with f" Yeah, I'm still saying floor, it's so obvious it's Impossible.

"F you say? Hmmm. That is hard" He said, honestly I was kinda tired for some reason and some break from Sun for now would be perfect, I wasn't very energetic right now so I was hoping he would just think silently about the word, but alas he did not and talked the entire time. 'Face? Fan? Franchise? Fur? Fruit?' He would not shut up.

"You know, you can give up." I said laid out of the floor. He was silent for a moment and u checked the time, 01:37, huh. WHAT I sprung up and sat with anti belief of what my eyes were witnessing "No no no no, this can't be? Why is time passing so quickly? Shit."

"Y/N?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and screamed, I looked behind and saw a taken back Sun

"Jesus Christ Sun! You can't scare people like that!" I yelled agitated.

"I'm sorry, but I have your birthday cake!" He got the cake from behind him and showed me. It was a normal cake on a plate, I mean, what did you expect? A three tier cake with a thousand decorations made with fondant? No, it was a simple round F/F cake with the numbers 14 as candles on top. It was a small gesture but it still managed to fill my heart with warmth and it got a smile out of me.

"Sun. Thanks, truly" I didn't care about his presence anymore, the energy he radiates is just si positive and too energy filled to be ignored.

"Of course! That's what friends are for! He sat in front of me, let the cake on the floor and handed me a fork, I don't know why I'd imagined he'd have 2 of them, he can't eat, what is going on upstairs, body?

"Don't you have a knife to cut the cake with?" He shook his head waving away the necessity of a knife "Oh god you're chaotic neutral"

"What's that?"

"Oh uh well, chaotic good would cut the cake with a knife but in horrible proportions, chaotic neutral would eat directly with the fork, no order whatsoever and chaotic evil would just eat it with their hands" I looked at his face and nevermind that he can't change his face, I could feel the confusion "Forget it..." I added. "So what, you're just gonna watch me eat cake?" I questioned feeling true awkwardness, he could do it 100%

"Oh no! I'm going to get everything set up for the birthday mood" He said getting up and walking away "Oh wait, here" I looked back at him and he threw me the flashlight "I recharged it, the battery is at its full potential" He continued to walk away.
Well, this cake just turned bitter, well, the cake was pretty amazing even though having to eat it like this made my heart break, but the simple gesture he did of handing me the flashlight just brought my whole happy birthday mood down. Even though it's not my birthday anymore, also, eating cake at, what time is it? 01:40 ah yay, could not be good, I'm probably also not sleeping today so yee haw.

I ate some cake and looked behind, wondering what the hell Sun was doing and saw some balloons around, he's like a little kid man, I love him. But then again, little kids don't realize the weight of their words which was a problem that Sun had, and it wasn't half fun to deal with.

He noticed I was looking and waved before going back to get more uh 'birthday supplies' I guess?

I didn't want more cake, like I'm not eating a whole ass cake. I got up and put it on the counter of the security desk, I had the flashlight in my hand and looking at it triggered something inside me, the feeling that my body knew what I would use it with and the fear and risk that that experience brought along with it.

I sighed. What do I do with the flashlight? I don't know if I'll use it now. I knew damn well that if I just shun the flashlight at Moon it wouldn't turn back to Sun, he somehow explained it, didn't make much sense though, the understanding and explaining capability of Sun plus the fact that the person who designed these robots was high makes me understanding how they function impossible. I got back to my original train of thought as I get distracted easily. I brought it with me towards Sun, don't really know why if I'm honest, I guess I'm a masochist and my unconscious me decided that it likes fear. I took the Faz-Watch off and decided to look at the time 01:46, shit. Fear was really getting to me now.

I tapped Sun's shoulder, giving that he was so involved into the decorating experience that he didn't notice me walking towards me.

"Oh, what is it Sunshine?"

"It's almost one fifty. And here, the Faz-Watch" I handed it to him.

"Oh! Is it? Time flew by!" He laughed I just nodded silently, I hoped that he wouldn't notice that I wasn't looking forward to be the most friendly person ever because then he would just worry and try to talk to me and I don't want to talk about my feelings, I'll just put them all in a jar that I'll keep closed and then bury them with me when I die. Like a normal person.

"Yeah so uh, I guess you can, um. I dunno, I'll be at the security desk. Oh! By the way, the off-limits thing, is it just a rule?"

"Oh yeah! But rules aren't made to be broken. At least that's not their intention." He said. So the security desk actually had no safety whatsoever. How charming. I started walking towards it and I don't know what Sun did but at this I did not care one bit, I was just alone with my thoughts, something that has never been good and it won't change today.

I sat on the counter, facing the Daycare instead of the glass walls that kept me here, looking down and breathing, flashlight in hand. Lights turning off.

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